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Dating: Is It Really A Jungle Out There?

Bad Date blogs are popular, and they are multiplying fast. I want my own blog to be an antidote to these bad date chronicles because I have a relentlessly positive attitude about dating. Some dates are underwhelming, some encounters are disappointing, but no date is a complete waste of time. Bad Date bloggers disagree; they have a different, coarser message: it’s a jungle out there, and you’ll be dating a series of apes.

I’M OKAY, BUT YOU — UH, NO

Not all dating bloggers hold themselves blameless when a date fails, but too many of them do. Moments after the front door closes on an imperfect evening, their keyboards are hammering out the unwavering message:  I’m fine, but the other person is an idiot.

Churlish writing about dating disappointment is cathartic for Bad Date bloggers, most of whom are 30-somethings, but it’s discouraging for us older gals. We don’t have a lot of time. What if the first dozen men we meet are unsuitable (or as the bloggers would have it, complete jerks)?  What if it takes too long — years — to find a suitable partner? What if it’s true that the dating pool is full of nothing but losers, scammers, liars, and cheapskates, and we’re forced to settle for someone we can only just barely stand?

TIME FOR A WIDER PERSPECTIVE

After age 60 it takes a special kind of courage to jump into the dating game. Now that we’ve made up our minds to find a match, it’s harmful to dwell on grim predictions. Both slugs and sharks are in the pool, but the men we’ll meet are not the sum of their faults. It’s not only they who must show up with good manners, intelligent conversation, and a pleasant appearance. We’ve got to meet their standards, too.

Most readers of this blog have loved and lost life partners though death or divorce. The memory of a loving relationship can be impetus to launch a quest for someone new. Conventional wisdom says that the best candidate for a new relationship is someone who has experienced a happy one in the past. Why? Because the expectation is one of happiness, which will always work better than a grim pairing of damaged souls.

A 60+ man will bring plenty of baggage to a new relationship, but if you dismiss every man who has quirks you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. You can’t turn a cheapskate into a big spender – learn to do without expensive gifts. You can’t make a gourmand of a picky eater – eat more simply and eat at home more often. If the almost-perfect man doesn’t share your love for cats, you’ll have to weigh the effect of losing him or the cat, and although cats are indeed marvelous creatures, I hope you’ll choose the man.

IT TAKES TIME AND PLENTY OF IT

Some things take more time than we’d like, especially at our age, but a date is just a date, not a mandate to find a permanent partner. Plenty of men who are wonderful dates would be the dreariest of husbands. Composure is important. And staying open to new adventures. Patience is everything when you’re dating senior men.

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'Dating: Is It Really A Jungle Out There?' have 17 comments

  1. June 27, 2015 @ 12:04 pm Sienna

    L Ann — The right man is out there. Keep your chin up and keep looking. Thanks for commenting.

  2. June 27, 2015 @ 11:39 am L. Ann

    Good one to show that it’s not the same when you’re out there in your 60’s. I’m just divorced and I haven’t made it past the apes yet.

  3. October 25, 2013 @ 3:58 pm Teri Lyn

    Patience is everything. Sienna, you sure got that right!

  4. October 24, 2013 @ 9:39 am Sienna

    Thanks for your kind words, Judith. I appreciate you too…see you on Twitter. 🙂

  5. October 24, 2013 @ 9:20 am Sienna

    Interesting comment! Thanks, Soapberry. We are the sum of our experiences, and sometimes we don’t change, but how we’re labeled does. When we’re young we’re “impulsive,” when we’re older we’re “stubborn”.

  6. October 15, 2013 @ 10:59 am Soapberryusa

    Younger men and women are not exempt from lack of perfection and most are nothing to write home about. Older men and women have faults and characteristics that are attributable because they are old even though they had the same flaws when they were young but were given a pass because of youth. Such is ageism and our culture loves to rag out the elderly apart from youthful puerility and capriciousness.

  7. September 19, 2013 @ 11:53 am Judith Boyd

    Hi Sienna, I love your blog. This is all new to me, so I appreciate what you have to say.

  8. June 1, 2013 @ 11:44 am CGCarol

    Sorry, Sienna – a bad date is a bad date, and I’ve had too many of those.

  9. March 19, 2013 @ 7:04 pm My Inner Slut

    Hey, Sienna, loved meeting you at CatalystCon and I really like your blog. I wish I could agree with you on this post, but I’m afraid I’ve had no luck with dating men who just seemed like washed-up geezers. I think I’ll try the cougar route lol.

  10. March 8, 2013 @ 1:21 pm Teen at Heart

    I don’t see how anyone can date a man who’s over 50 and not be annoyed at their habits. Most of them are still stuck on their wives and cling to the way of life they shared with them. They want you to be just like their wives, and they don’t want to change at all.

  11. March 8, 2013 @ 1:16 pm Chelsea

    I’m glad you said we have to meet their standards, and it’s not just a one way street. I have friends who whine after every date they go on, while I’m just wishing I had a date to complain about. If I did I think I’d be a little more flexible than they are.

  12. March 8, 2013 @ 2:04 am Alabama Girl

    Older men bring plenty of baggage to a relationship. HAHAHA. You’re not just kidding.

  13. March 6, 2013 @ 6:58 pm Penelope

    Your blog always has a positive and logical point of view. That’s why I keep tuning in. Great advice.

  14. March 6, 2013 @ 6:24 pm Percy

    It’s high time someone said that women have to meet our standards too. Well said.

  15. March 6, 2013 @ 6:19 pm Iona

    I have to agree that the bloggers who write about bad dates are depressing, but this blog is great.

  16. March 6, 2013 @ 1:11 pm BHalston

    Men who are older are either geeks or just looking for someone to get them off. They are so afraid of losing their virility.

  17. March 5, 2013 @ 11:21 am Tracey

    Trust me, it’s is a jungle out there, but I am going to keep trying. Thanks for this, it’s encouraging.


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