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Is The Hunt For Mr. Right Your Day Job?

Is your job getting you down? No, I don’t mean THAT job, the one with the water cooler and the Ladies’ Room with a cot. I mean the one you’re re-e-ally serious about, the one that occupies your mind all day and keeps you awake at night. I mean the grueling, arduous task of finding a partner.

Once upon a time, dating meant sharing popcorn at the movies or pairing off for the prom. Now dating is an industry. We’re living the new Industrial Revolution and online dating sites are its sweatshops. In the time it takes you to read this paragraph, tens of thousands of men and women will hit the “send” button, praying that the smiley electronic images on their screens will transform into the real-life partners they dream about.


This is not a rant about the cold and impersonal character of online dating. The phenomenon is here to stay, like gangsta rap and the Kardashians. What’s disturbing is that so many of us approach it with a kind of grim determination.  Instead of the lightheartedness that could keep it buoyant, online dating is becoming a miasma of anxiety and resolve.

So many over-the-top profiles, so many deadly-serious posts and tweets! So many conditions — must love gardening, must love dogs, must love cats, must be 5’9” or over, no Conservatives, no Liberals, no jocks, no couch potatoes, no kids living at home, no felons, no fatties, no smokers, no…..?!  It’s as though were the International Monetary Fund, though when we check our smart phones every three minutes it’s not Excel spreadsheets we’re hoping to find.


We need to lighten up, ladies. A first email exchange is not a solemn rehearsal for long-term commitment. A guy can smell desperation from all those miles away and he’ll be gone before you can type in, “Do you want my phone number?” Anxiety is the enemy of romance. Tranquility, confidence, and self-respect are what it takes for success.

I know — dispelling anxiety sounds easier than it actually is, and it’s natural to experience anxiety when you’re meeting someone new, but in the dating game the less you seem like a hunter and the more you seem to be NOT resolutely looking for a permanent partner, the more likely you are to find one. This is supposed to be fun, remember? It’s not so terrible to be an island of patience in a sea of Get-It-Now.

Throw away the checklist. So what if he hates the classical music you love? So what if his wardrobe’s left over from the 70s? Warmth and generosity of spirit are the things to desire in a senior man, and if they come wrapped in polyester shirts or biker jackets, it’s not time to frown. It’s time to count our blessings.


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'Is The Hunt For Mr. Right Your Day Job?' have 8 comments

  1. January 27, 2012 @ 1:53 pm Sienna

    Great premise and a good idea for a book. Thanks for posting this info, Sandy.

  2. January 26, 2012 @ 8:55 pm Sandy Heart

    A great book for a woman of any age to read is Lori Gottlieb’s “Marry Him: Looking for Mr. Good Enough.” It is about her search for her ideal man via online dating, dating coach, matchmaker etc.
    The process was enlightening to her in that all her dating life she had unrealistic expectations about the perfect man. She rejected him if he had a flat top, wore a bow tie, was balding, or wasn’t successful enough. She went back and looked for the guys she had dismissed and found that they had married, had children and were happy and successful. Obviously, someone had found them acceptable.

    The book is humorous and is currently in the Sale bin at Barnes & Noble for $6.99. I buy all the copies I can find and give them out through my business when I hear a woman bemoan that there aren’t any suitable men out there.

  3. January 3, 2012 @ 2:49 pm TPG

    You advise that all anyone has to do is cultivate “tranquility, confidence and self respect.” Then bingo a magic partner appears. It’s a lot more complicated than that.

  4. December 21, 2011 @ 3:04 pm TPG

    You cousel patience, but I don’t think I have that many years left!

  5. November 1, 2011 @ 7:52 am LizaManAlley

    This is what I like about your blog. It’s not mean. So many women’s blogs say mean things about men but I like the way you use humor in a teasing kind of way. I can’t say the same for some of your readers, though.

  6. October 11, 2011 @ 9:20 am Cassie

    I am one of these dating site junkies and sometimes I look at the clock and it’s 2AM and I haven’t found anyone I can relate to, much less want to communicate with. Some of the men are snobby because they seem to know there are more men than women so they have an edge. Other men say really stupid things or make jokes. I don’t think I have much of a check list. I just want to meet someone nice, but where is he?

  7. September 23, 2011 @ 3:37 pm Claire

    Hmmmm….OK, I’ll try!

  8. September 23, 2011 @ 3:20 pm Lillian

    I can appreciate your suggestion to lighten up but I don’t think I can actually do it. I can sit down at the computer in a positive frame of mind, but by the end of the evening I want to give up completely. The men are so colorless and boring and yet so arrogant.

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