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Viagra For Dummies

 

unmade bed

SENIORS LIKE SEX, BUT…

Senior sexual enjoyment is alive and well. In an AARP survey, just 10% of older adults reported that sex was no big deal, and only 12% said it would be okay if they never had sex again. For the rest of us who keep at it, however, there are difficulties. If you can believe the urologists quoted by the New York Times, half of all men over 60 suffer some form of erectile dysfunction.

AARP says that 22% of the surveyed men had sought medical help for sexual dysfunction, and Viagra was by far the most popular treatment option. Sixty-eight per cent of men who used it claimed it improved things.

Viagra is the great pharmaceutical event of our time. But many old guys – and their partners – do not realize that while Viagra may produce an erection, it increases desire not at all. What it can provide is a headache, stomach upset, a stuffy nose, a flushed face, and blurred vision,  or much worse – – strokes and heart attacks. Testosterone medications were developed to help men who suffer testicular injury, endocrine imbalance, and certain types of cancer. They are best used for these real diseases, not for purely recreational sex.

Nevetheless, sales are up on Cialis and Viagra. Too many senior men feel that if they don’t perform as they used to, they are failing their partners. Oh, please. You’re never going to hear a 65-year-old woman say, “I just had to divorce him. I couldn’t take not having sex 8 times a week.”

THE EFFECTS OF MENOPAUSE ON SEX DRIVE

Problems getting in the mood for sex?  Too slicked with sweat to frolic?  Orgasms more tepid now than they were at Woodstock?

Menopause has its good side. You can’t get pregnant and you’ve freed up the closet space formerly used for tampons. But you may have traded these good things for stuff like vaginal dryness, hot flashes, and a sluggish, if not absent, libido. What’s to like about sex if it hurts? Are we back to doing the Big It just to please him?

If you’re connected to someone, and if you’ve had a good sex life when you were younger, you can have a good sex life now. But it’s good to enjoy it for reasons other than making HIM happy. Faking orgasms is SO 1950s.

The first step is to be the healthiest you can be. Treat medical problems and stay true to your medications. Maintain a healthy diet, an ideal weight, zero smoking, and regular exercise. You don’t have to lift heavy weights or run 5 miles daily – just move. Take regular walks or go for a swim. Kegal exercises help — you definitely want to do these. They strengthen the muscles you use during sex and increase the intensity of your orgasms.

DOES THIS EXTRA TWENTY-FIVE POUNDS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?

Stop obsessing about your body.  Whether you’re too boney or too flabby, cover up with candlelight. If your stomach was once smooth and flat and is now a jelly-like protuberance, tell him you’d rather he didn’t fondle it. Make something up – tell him your religion forbids stomach touching.

You have to get over your issues so you can focus on helping him deal with his. Whatever problems you have, his will be more important and much larger than yours. Only in this case they may actually be smaller — non-tumescent, flaccid, limp.

Your fears are imagined: “My thighs are three times those of a Vogue model.”  His fears are real: “What if I can’t get it up?”  The what-if message travels from brain to genitals faster than the speed of light and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Viagra ads play on this fear, suggesting that the “condition” comes inevitably to older men. This is the Great Lie and too many men believe it. How-to-please-men books make it worse by talking about your responsibility to be understanding and supportive to your man, the assumption being that you’ll have to reassure him when he fails to perform like Attila the Hun. I say pass up the self-help literature and buy a lacy pair of panties and a push-up bra instead.

bra and strawberry

Please understand: the lacy stuff is for you, not for him. I am not suggesting anything as tawdry as prancing about like a model from Victoria’s Secret. This is simply about improving your body image. No one wants to make love to a woman who is miserable about being too fat, too skinny, too wrinkled, too unlike Halle Berry. When you feel confident about your body, you are infinitely more attractive to him. A fat lady in a thong who radiates confidence is a thousand times more alluring than a trim gal who wears hide-all snuggies to bed because she can’t measure up to the unrealistic standard by which she measures herself.

LOVEMAKING HAS NO EXPIRATION DATE

I am just going to say it and hope you won’t leave the site because you think I’m being too lubricious. DO NOT imagine that you have to bed a 45-year-old to get satisfaction in the form of penetration. From a purely physical standpoint, the penis of a healthy senior male can get sufficiently hard to enable him to penetrate and please his partner. Older men – at least those who read American magazines and watch American TV — are victims of a terrible libel. They are being told that it’s all over for them. Believe me, all it takes for your man to perform nicely (if he is healthy) is his belief that he can.

If a senior man thinks his partner is all set to be happy, if he thinks she has a positive attitude about what’s going to happen, he’ll be more spontaneous, and things will be just fine.  Too much is made of performance, too much anxiety is performance anxiety, and too much fun is missed. Expect the best, and it will happen. Not the way it did in 1963, but who cares? I have to hope that both you and he are over that. There are some accomplished, mature, and joyous ways for old folks like us to enjoy sex — ways that will surprise and delight you.

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'Viagra For Dummies' have 10 comments

  1. April 2, 2014 @ 4:53 pm Sienna

    Good for you, Millie!!!

  2. March 21, 2014 @ 12:43 pm Millie

    I’m 67 and I’m having the best sex of my life. No viagra.

  3. October 5, 2011 @ 6:14 am Sienna

    Lynn, thanks so much for your candid comments – they’re really helpful. Your sensitivity to a man’s needs and difficulties is certainly the reason you’ve had successful relationships.

  4. October 4, 2011 @ 3:59 pm lynn

    As long as there’s not physical damage from chronic diseases like poorly managed diabetes (neuropathy) or cardiovascular problems, or bungled prostate cancer surgery, sure, a man can get an erection. But he can still satisfy me (and presumably other women), and i can still satisfy him either, orally or manually, and we’re both content when sleep time arrives.
    Assuming that ONLY penetration can be satisfying is lethal to a good sex life. every man has times when he can’t attain an erection, and he can’t fake it like a woman can, but the woman can be satisfied every time if she’ll tell her man what she likes and how to get her there!

  5. July 13, 2011 @ 6:20 am SexMedicinOnline

    I think in old age, sex is not just about doing it for pleasure. It is to remember the joyous times the couple spent together and to keep the fire burning.

  6. June 19, 2011 @ 6:04 am Tilly

    There is too much being said about men’s insecurity about “getting it up.” Older men may be slower to get ready, and they may not be able to have more than one orgasm per lovemaking session, but it is ridiculous to think that sex with an older man is any less enjoyable than sex with a young man. It is better, in fact, because it lasts longer. Who wants a man who is so excited that it’s over before you get there?

  7. May 11, 2011 @ 7:54 pm millefleur

    I hate the idea of this stuff. I don’t want a man who uses it. I want one that doesn’t need it.

  8. April 22, 2011 @ 10:15 am Shelly

    There is a lot of sloganizing about how 60 is the new 40. Most of it sounds like people trying to convince themselves that they are young when they’re not. This blog gives me hope that it can be true for some people. Thanks.

  9. April 12, 2011 @ 4:56 am lovemyjammies

    LOVE the strawberry photo!

  10. March 9, 2011 @ 9:46 pm Patsy R.

    Too much is made of Viagra use. My significant other is 63. No Viagra, lots of sex.


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