The Myth Of The Sated Senior
Some research on Americans’ sexual behavior comes to us from Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion, in a study funded by Trojan condoms. Most of the study looks at titillating stuff like masturbation, anal sex, and faked orgasms, but researchers seem also to have discovered that a lot of old people manage to have sexual intercourse and find it “pleasurable.”
Those who write reports like this one, and the journalists who extrapolate from their summaries, must surely be in their 30’s. How else to explain the condescension with which this data is reported? I hate the way they perpetuate the myth that sex for seniors is tepid.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not looking for sex that is merely “pleasurable.” Pleasurable is what I want in a documentary about porpoises, or a leisurely autumn stroll. What I want vis a vis sex is the earth moving, fireworks, the 1812 Overture, and speaking in tongues (no pun intended).
And I’m not the only one. In response to an ABC News article about the Indiana study, a reader posted this inspirational comment:
We have a big whirlpool tub that my wife loves. She soaks with a few glasses of wine, scented candles and a book. I bring her chocolate once in a while. After an hour of that and a half hour of foreplay, no need to fake it. …. Guys, take it from an old man who’s been married for a long time. If you only have a few minutes, wait until you have enough time to do it right. It’s worked for 35 years 
.
» Filed Under Dealing With Debacles, Senior Men Whimsy, Sex With Old Guys, What Senior Women Want
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8 Responses to “The Myth Of The Sated Senior”
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Interesting. I do feel that those youngsters can be very condescending, but then again, what reaction did you always have when you considered YOUR PARENTS having sex? molly
Amen, I say! I’ve always agreed with poet Lucille Clifton’s observation that spiritual and sexual ecstasy are more closely intertwined than one might think. They each express our “lust for life,” and that’s not age dependent. An ancient Sumerian prayer (1600 BCE) to the Goddess praises her “luscious lips” and asserts that “life is in her mouth.” This is the kind of juiciness I treasure and cultivate!
I couldn’t agree more. Otherwise, what’s the point! Life is short.
Thanks, Helen, for your reference to the wonderfully earthy poet Lucille Clifton. This is my favorite of her poems, and it’s apropos of our discussion here. Clifton was born in 1936, and she was no kid when she wrote this. She died this year at 73.
Homage to My Hips
these hips are big hips.
they need space to
move around in.
they don’t fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips.
they don’t like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved,
they go where they want to go
they do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top
Molly, I actually thought about this when I was writing this post. But I think it’s just part of the cultural malaise – we’ve got sex all mixed up with athletic achievement. Maybe kids are always going to feel grossed out about mom and dad “doing it,” but as a society we’re staying fitter longer, and the sexual landscape has to change with us.
Is the “old man who’s been married for a long time” referenced above for REAL?!!
I think this is a legit comment, LB, even though this guy sounds too good to be true (chocolate AND foreplay – OMG).
This is so true about young writers not getting it. They write out of ignorance and insensitivity, things like, “She is still attractive, even though she’s in her mid-forties.” I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I haven’t been in my mid-forties for almost twenty years.