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Older Women, Younger Men: Danger Zone


I just heard from a sixty-something widow with a heartbreaking story. Lucy was approached at a Philadelphia art exhibit by Renaldo, a man eleven years her junior. Making the most of a sexy Italian accent, he told her he lived in Rome, and after a few weeks of passionate coupling with poor gullible Lucy, Renaldo announced he was returning home. Lucy not only went with him, but paid for his airline ticket (don’t ask for what else). They lasted 3 months.  Renaldo is now in the arms of a 36-year old, and Lucy is back in the States, but completely cut off from her unforgiving family.

Why do I pass on this story? Because Lucy is an educated, attractive, often sensible woman who was duped, and we can be too. Loneliness makes us do stupid things.


Older women are vulnerable to young gold diggers and other phonies not least because we feel that time is running out.  Every year takes us farther into the Land of the Scarce. Many a matron has been taken in by a young, attractive liar with a flair for flattery. Over time she discovers that he’s a.) commitment-phobic, b.) married, c.) looking for a sugar momma, or d.) dull as dirt, and a trove of off-putting habits.  


It’s safe to say that you’re on unsteady ground when you start getting the rush from a younger man. By this I don’t mean you’re 67 and he’s 65. I’m talking about a 40-year-old looking for a gullible grandma. My rule on this is to choose perspective over perspiration. Even if dating someone your son’s age is enough fun to make it worth while, who wants the pressure of always, always having to look young? Who wants snickering from his friends and pitying looks from your book club pals? Who wants to be mistaken for the kindly companion of your daughter’s boyfriend? 

It would be wrong for me to say that ALL young-guy / older-gal relationships are wrong. Every relationship has its own possibility for magic, its own je ne sais quoi. There’s a really good chance that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are blissfully happy, but she’s Demi Moore and we’re not.

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'Older Women, Younger Men: Danger Zone' have 8 comments

  1. December 1, 2012 @ 12:50 pm CGCarol

    Choose perspective over perspiration — hahaha. That’s good advice.

  2. October 8, 2012 @ 9:10 pm Elizabeth III

    This is a Hoot….We all know how Demi and Ashter turned out!!!!

    I was actively pursued by a guy who was 20 years younger…and impotent due to his drinking.

    I still hear from this poor soul…probably in his cups.

  3. February 10, 2011 @ 11:18 am Rachel

    I also find dating younger men to be troublesome because of the pressure of seeming young, but there are some men who sincerely love the companionship of older women and you don’t have to worry about them straying to someone else just because she’s younger.

  4. November 30, 2010 @ 3:50 pm MGI89

    I don’t even think about dating younger men. It’s too much trouble trying to look young all the time.

  5. August 28, 2010 @ 9:02 pm Majid

    I think I look a lot like the picture of the younger man in the pciture above. Older women like me and I like them too. They are hot and they never embarrass you with jealous fits in front of other people.

  6. July 18, 2010 @ 10:30 am Amy623

    I think Demi and Ashton are hot.

  7. July 3, 2010 @ 5:38 am Sienna

    You always wonder, “What were they THINKING?” when you read about women who abandon their “real” lives in order to chase lives of fantasy. I am so glad you and your husband found each other and that you were happy together for a time. Thanks for posting, TeeJay.

  8. July 3, 2010 @ 5:20 am TeeJay

    I was actually involved in a story like this. In my case, this woman was married and left her husband and teenaged kids to go to Paris with a guy who dumped her after her money ran out, which took a while, because she had a lot of money she inherited from her father. I married the guy she left behind, and we were really happy until he died 3 years ago. I have been on this blog for a while now, but when I saw this entry I just had to write about my experience because it is so close to home. Thanks. You give good advice.

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