Widowhood happens in a single cruel second. One moment you’re a wife; the next moment you’re not. When you lose a beloved life partner, you may ask how your own life can be worth living.
INTIMACY MEANS EXPOSURE
But someday receiving male attention may seem possible and gratifying. When that happens, you have to confront the Scary Body Question: How can I get naked with someone new? Men are men after all, and for them, “companionship” is only a code word. Eventually, strolls in the park and holding hands in the movie will not be enough.
PASHA is foreign born and he was an adult when he came to the States. That’s what allows me to believe that his tolerance for a little belly fat – well, a little more than little – is sincere. Foreign born men seem to favor women who don’t starve themselves – or botox themselves into oblivion. American men are awash in skinny-girl media images and have begun to think size two is the norm.
LIGHT ENOUGH FOR LIGHTS-ON
I basked in PASHA’s early glad appraisal of my physique, which I wrapped in boxy jackets and loose sweaters to disguise an expanded waist and a past-perky bust line. I was sure his interest in me would wane when we finally arrived at full disclosure. It didn’t. If anything, having some real flesh to grab onto seems to delight him. My self-image is restored. My self-esteem has gone through the roof. Hoo-wah!!!