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Making Love With The Light On

Widowhood happens in a single cruel second. One moment you’re a wife; the next moment you’re not. When you lose a beloved life partner, you may ask how your own life can be worth living.


But someday receiving male attention may seem possible and gratifying. When that happens, you have to confront the Scary Body Question: How can I get naked with someone new?  Men are men after all, and for them, “companionship” is only a code word.  Eventually, strolls in the park and holding hands in the movie will not be enough.

PASHA is foreign born and he was an adult when he came to the States. That’s what allows me to believe that his tolerance for a little belly fat – well, a little more than little – is sincere. Foreign born men seem to favor women who don’t starve themselves or botox themselves into oblivion. American men are awash in skinny-girl media images and have begun to think size two is the norm.


I basked in PASHA’s early glad appraisal of my physique, which I wrapped in boxy jackets and loose sweaters to disguise an expanded waist and a past-perky bust line. I was sure his interest in me would wane when we finally arrived at full disclosure. It didn’t. If anything, having some real flesh to grab onto seems to delight him. My self-image is restored. My self-esteem has gone through the roof.  Hoo-wah!!!

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'Making Love With The Light On' have 10 comments

  1. June 21, 2014 @ 8:06 pm virginia

    Come on, woman. A man knew what you look like when he asked you out. Celebrate your body…lights on all the way! He doesnt care if you’re soft as a marshmallow as long as you dont care. Men are turned on by any type of body as long as you are secure with yours.

  2. February 15, 2013 @ 3:11 pm Candy

    It’s really scary to know that a man will want to see you in the nude. I never had the perfect body, and now in my 60s it’s not getting any better. If the situation arises, the room will have to be dark before I can relax.

  3. January 24, 2012 @ 2:26 pm Pollyanna

    I have had a bad feeling about my body since I was a pre-teen. I was never anorexic but I felt often that I should be, I mean should purge after eating a big meal (maybe bolemic is a better word). It is terrifying to think about the humiliation I might feel if I allowed a man to see me naked and then he couldn’t perform because he was turned off. I guess the only way I could have and enjoy sex is if the man didn’t see my whole body, especially my large hips. I’ve tried to imagine that kind of scenario, but it just won’t come to me. I don’t know how to get out from the clothes and into the bed safely.

  4. December 16, 2011 @ 1:21 pm TPG

    This is probably a woman’s worst fear. Even young women are scared of turning a man off at the first sight of her imperfections. I don’t think men care that much. They just want to get it on.

  5. August 26, 2011 @ 2:02 pm MsPreserved

    Look, it’s all the kind of man you want to get it on with. Men who are wrapped up in themselves are never going to find the perfect body to have sex with because it’s all about them and their fantasies. Don’t take is so personally. Most of this is in your own head and a good man will not expect you to look like a 25 year old when you’re naked. A man who does, you don’t want him anyway.

  6. September 14, 2010 @ 4:22 pm Gail G.

    There’s no way I can even conceive of this. I didn’t do it when I was 30 and I’m not going to do it now. I never had a good figure and now that it’s old no one needs to see it.

  7. July 18, 2010 @ 10:37 am Ringo

    Come on, take it all off. Men like to see flesh.

  8. July 3, 2010 @ 5:26 am amy623

    Sienna, you are SO lucky. I took a chance with a man I really liked, bared it all. When he got a glimpse of me in the raw he started making excuses. I think it was not just the flab, but the sagging behind. I’ve returned to being an advocate of lights off.

  9. July 3, 2010 @ 5:23 am Minnie

    I am 5’5″ and I weigh 158 pounds. Not going to take it all off unless it is pitch black in the room.

  10. June 8, 2010 @ 1:41 pm Madame X

    You have to find a senior man who is comfortable with his own imperfections. The only men who can’t overlook some flab are the ones who are looking for 30-year-olds, and they’re going to go on their sad little quest without giving us real women a glance anyway. Men who have divorced or widowed after 30 or 40 years have seen saggy rear ends and they understand that some of those bad butts are theirs.

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