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Geezer’s Just Another Word for Naughty, Naughty Boy

On a cold winter day we two worked on laptops while snowflakes danced outside. At 6:30 PM we gave in to the aroma of a garlic-roasted chicken and the promise of a chilled pinot grigio. We had a lovely, romantic evening and when my guy was gone I began turning out lights and clearing up loose ends. Suddenly I spotted a small green piece of paper on the floor beneath the table he’d used for his laptop.

shocked woman

I glanced at the list he’d written on it, and my heart plunged to my feet.  “OMG he’s into porn,” I thought, horrified. “He sat in my HOME searching for PORN!”  

The list was brief but the keywords were unmistakably sex-related.  The penis word was there,  and of course the inevitable F-word.

Were these the aliases of lap-dancer ladies? Porn movies? Online sex forums? Lascivious chat rooms?

I paced the floor, hyperventilating. I pledged 1000 times never to see this guy again — I was disgusted, but also hurt. In the early months of a relationship, a gal likes to think she’s enough of a turn-on to displace internet smut as a source of stimulation.  “That’s it. I’m through with him,” I said out loud to the empty room.

But there in the corner was my computer and its Google homepage. I sat down. I stared at the screen. I entered one of the phrases I had found. Google knew right away what I was looking for, and told me straight up: DIRTY JOKES.  I clicked on the suggested URL and there they were – jokes he wanted to remember so earnestly that he had to write them down.

turkeys

You cannot imagine my relief!  Compared to the cesspool of hard core porn, dirty jokes are a field of fragrant flowers.  

Senior men love to tell dirty jokes to other old guys. Sharing the vocabulary of virility, they signal one another that they’re still part of the brotherhood, still ABLE TO DO IT. My guy simply needed a new batch of jokes for the next time the women adjourn to the kitchen, leaving the men to sit around the dinner table, alternately whispering and guffawing.

Am I a prude? You’ll have to decide. Truth be told, I’d rather know my guy was scribbling football stats or bond fund recommendations, but you can’t have everything. As far as jokes are concerned, it’s all in the skill of the teller, and my guy is indeed a good joke teller. He knows I’m totally into risqué but I dislike lewd, simply because filthy humor is low humor — it lacks the nuance that makes a good joke good. My rule: in the presence of ladies (ahem, such as myself), risqué jokes are fine, but the nasty bits are for the men’s locker room.  Will I ever hear any of the jokes on the list? Will they turn me off on this guy? Let’s see how it goes.

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'Geezer’s Just Another Word for Naughty, Naughty Boy' have 4 comments

  1. May 18, 2016 @ 12:35 pm Patty

    I am a prude in this case. I’d rather hear something nice like how about dinner out tonight.

  2. June 19, 2014 @ 11:55 pm Louise L.

    I’m dating a geezer and let me tell you – he’s ready and able and he likes porn. He doesn’t insist that I watch it with him, and anyway it’s not the smutty kind, more soft porn, but it gets him excited anyway. Don’t be too hard on guys who like porn. It’s just another way to turn on for them. A lot of older men seem to think they need it, even though they are good at sex because they’re experienced and they know how to please a woman.

  3. January 18, 2012 @ 8:24 am Walt

    I dunno. I think a guy who has to write down cues to his jokes is probably not much of a joke teller.

  4. January 22, 2011 @ 2:18 pm Sienna

    Tracey, I have the same reaction – amusement, not excitement. I like to think I’m not so prudish as to refuse to watch sexy stuff, but the ecstacy sound tracks on XXX movies just bring me to tears.


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