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The Lawyer Champions – Truth?

HARVARD YARD and I are talking about online dating sites. It turns out he’s an old hand at this kind of surfing, and does he ever have pet peeves about dating site profiles!


He dislikes senior women who don’t post full body shots (“they’re always fat”), those who use flirtatious language (“they’re probably ‘professionals'”), and those who describe themselves as sensitive (he’s probably right about that). But he has an over-the-top aversion to women who lie about their age. This offense seems to rank up there with murder and incest.


I remind him that women have lied about their age since Biblical times, but this only feeds his argument.  I suggest that there’s a male equivalent — men lie about their height, and this strikes a nerve.  Does HE tell the truth on dating sites? Does he admit that he’s 5’6” or does he — uh — aspire to something higher?

Truth is pretty loosely defined in the online dating universe. Some people would rename lying — call it playing it safe, or heldging one’s bets (“If I say I’m 66, I won’t appear on anyone’s 45-65 list!”). Can we get over this age thing, as long as the lies aren’t big? I know one who lists her age as 54 when she is really 65. She insists she looks wa-a-a-y young for her age. Oh, please. We all think that, but we base our argument on the practiced, alluring smile we see in the mirror.

Truth is best. But we are women, after all. Says Emily Dickenson, “tell the truth, but tell it slant.”

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'The Lawyer Champions – Truth?' have 3 comments

  1. June 3, 2011 @ 12:30 pm TRThom

    I met a woman on line who looked really pretty and seemed both kind and intelligent. She was very cold at our first meeting, and she eventually told me she was shocked to find I was so short. I am 5’6″ like a lot of men who were once 5’9″ or so. If you are dealing with aging in a real way on this blog you should tell women to look for something else, other qualities besides heighth. I am the same person I was at 5’9″, only in some ways better.

  2. April 4, 2011 @ 11:51 am ElizAnn

    I made a date with a guy whose photo made him look pretty tall and he said he was 5’9 so I was really shocked when I met him and he turned out to be shorter than I am. I understood why he did it but it was a problem for me.

  3. January 2, 2010 @ 12:02 pm Madame X

    Most of the women I know shave a year or so off their ages just to fit in the age range they know men put into search fields. So if you’re 68, you’re going to miss a man who’s 75 but restricts his search to women 55-65, say.

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