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The Myth Of The Boy Next Door

Your guy is out there waiting, and you owe it to yourself to look for him wherever he may be.  If you’re limiting your online search to men who live within 25 miles, you’re missing out on the chance to meet someone who may be just right for you, someone you’ll click with right away.

If he’s special to you and you’re special to him, the two of you will find a way to bridge distance, unless you are constrained by something serious, like a physical disability, fear of flying, a caretaker responsibility, or a decimated stock portfolio. Otherwise, you can and will find your way to a super guy who lives 100, 200, 500 — or even more miles away.

PASHA has phoned every evening since our amazing first date dinner and I find myself rushing home from work to wait for the call. We talk about everything – sports, food, travel, movies, finance, health care legislation, international politics. He fills me in on stories from the online edition of LeMonde (French is his first language). He has an egalitarian world view, but he wouldn’t mind if certain people and certain countries would work a little harder to make the world a better place. I don’t mind that he voices strong opinions because his attitude is never disparaging or hateful.

PASHA’s sense of humor is both whimsical and corny, in a senior man kind of way.  I try to think of ways to amuse him so I can hear his hearty, infectious laugh.  It’s easy, because he sees the humor in so many things.  Senior men are good that way. The best of them have learned not to take life – and themselves — too seriously.

We schmooze for hours on the phone, but we’ve only been together in the same room once. Why? We don’t live in the same city. Ladies, you just can’t have everything.


I hate that PASHA lives more than forty leagues away, but I still believe it’s important to expand your prospecting beyond your neighborhood, city, or state.  It’s hard enough to find a good senior man; limiting the search to your immediate vicinity makes bad odds even worse.  We live in the first period of history in which long-distance relationship-building is possible. The ability to find people on the Web is a dazzling opportunity.



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'The Myth Of The Boy Next Door' have 7 comments

  1. December 28, 2014 @ 7:31 am Sienna

    Stella – It’s easy to construct an elaborate myth on line, and until there’s a face-to-face meeting there’s no telling who a man really is. Your story is a cautionary tale for all of us. Thanks for sharing it.

  2. December 20, 2014 @ 11:21 pm Stella

    This honestly happened. I live in Philadelphia and I met a man online who sounded so interesting that I made up a story about visiting a cousin in Pittsburgh and I could stop by to meet him. I tried to make it sound like the most natural thing in the world that we would meet and we did meet for lunch in a cafeteria he named. He let me pay for the lunch and we talked just about his life. It was a third-rate place and he was truly one of the most boring people I have ever met. I was so turned off that as soon as I could I just got in my car and drove back home. I was on the road for more than 10 hours that day but I just didn’t care, I had to get out of there.

  3. August 18, 2013 @ 2:27 pm Alicia

    I had a relationship with a man in another state. We took turns traveling from one to the other. I introduced him to my children and they liked him, and they were happy for me. After six months I still hadn’t met his kids and he always had an excuse for why not. I finally insisted and we went there once. They were horrible to me and he didn’t defend me. I got in my car and drove the 3 hours home. When he called the next day I told him I didn’t want to see him any more and he said okay. Just like that.

  4. November 6, 2011 @ 2:36 pm Willy's Willy

    I met a woman on line and she seemed nice. I traveled about 300 miles to meet her and found out she wasn’t for me. I couldn’t wait to get back in my car even though I knew I was facing another long drive home. I still don’t limit my women as far as distance but I try to have skype conversations first, that helps.

  5. December 18, 2010 @ 11:39 am Trisha

    I had a good experience with this. We were both retired, and we did some traveling together before he moved in with me, so we knew it would work out. Unfortunately, we only had a year and a half living together. He died last year. I am trying to find someone new on line, and I don’t eliminate men just because they don’t live close to me.

  6. November 1, 2010 @ 11:33 am Pretty Patti

    I agree with the comment made by Tillie on this post. I had a relationship with a man whom I thought would eventually move in with me. I think he thought so too, but he had lived all his life in Chicago and just couldn’t leave it. I didn’t want a long distance boyfriend, and I’m not able to leave my business and move over there with him. We broke up and he’s gone on to someone else. It’s heartbreaking, and I’ll never do that long distance thing again.

  7. December 7, 2009 @ 1:52 pm Tillie

    This looks a lot simpler than it really is. I had one long distance relationhip and that was enought to scare me off any more. I actually was strung along by a man for more than a year, only to find out he had someone else. Actually, it was more than one person, since he had a woman in his own city plus another woman like me who lived about as far away as I did, which is about 150 miles. That woman and I are now friends, so it wasn’t a complete waste of time, but it took me a couple of years. I would advise women not look for anyone beyond 10 or 15 miles.

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