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The Science of Senior Man Profiles

euphoric senior lady

The online dating profiles of senior men, like senior men themselves, will variously enchant or deter you. Sometimes the ugh! factor will hit you in a matter of seconds. Sometimes you’ll be beside yourself with the joy of finding a profile that sparks recognition, a glimmer of hope.


On sites that encourage aliases, you’ll encounter senior men who identify themselves with tags like UGottaHaveMe, Hot4U, Passion Puppy, Dream Daddy, and Sexy Grampa. I feel uninspired, not to say repelled, by such self-conscious adorableness. More appealing are guys who call themselves things like Jazz Lover (identifying a pursuit) or Steve 123047 (indicating a birthday). Straightforward names suggest men who are secure. So do gently self-deprecating names. My favorite is an 83-year old who identified himself as Walks Without Cane. I also like Drives At Night.  At our age, whimsy goes a long way.


Sadly, you will come across senior man profiles that read like this: “I am warm, affectionate, and caring,” or “I am personable, outgoing, and have a great sense of humor.”  If you manage to stay awake all the way to the end of sentences like these, you are a kinder, more patient person than I am.  What can be learned from this sort of pseudo-description?  Nothing, that’s what.

Take a senior man’s assertion that he is, let’s say, “generous.”  Has he tutored a disadvantaged child, mentored a young entrepreneur, applied his medical expertise to help undernourished pregnant women in Asian villages, or established a foundation to help keep the planet green?  Generosity is proven by deeds, not words, as is a senior man’s claim that he is “kind.” Which means exactly — what?!? That he always says please and thank you?  He phones his mother on weekends?  He doesn’t abuse animals?  Look for profiles that convey substantive information about what a man does or what he thinks about important issues — issues you think about too.


Senior men who don’t trust themselves to come across as thrilling can BUY a profile. Here’s the offer at one internet dating site:If you get stuck, contact the profile professionals at (site) who will help you channel your unique voice!”  I feel sad for a man who feels so limited that he can’t write a single paragraph about his experience, his work, his dreams.  Who cares if Old Mr. Right is grammar-challenged?  You want to know who he is, not who some moonlighting journalism major at Penn State thinks he is.

moonlight beach couple

I think the ghost-written profile is a travesty, but I do acknowledge that some good could come of it if the dating site profile writer has a fresh outlook. Without editorial guidance, too many senior men will insist on inserting that tired cliché about moonlight walks hand-in-hand on a beach (they do this even if they live in Pittsburgh).  A savvy professional writer will gently explain that a discerning senior woman may enjoy this exercise more if it is preceded by dinner at a nice French bistro.

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'The Science of Senior Man Profiles' have 5 comments

  1. July 22, 2012 @ 1:56 pm lovemyjammies

    I’m on board with Alicia that they don’t say generous but I think the reason is that they simply aren’t. Just when I think I’ve met somebody nice he tells me “your half of the check is — whatever –” and I have to get out my wallet.

  2. December 18, 2011 @ 12:24 pm Alicia

    I don’t read very many profiles that say “generous.” Men are so worried you’re a gold-digger.

  3. May 24, 2010 @ 8:31 am Emma

    You are so right about guys talking about moonlight walks. As soon as I see that on a profile, I’m gone, no matter how attractive the rest of the profile is. A moonlight walk has to be earned, doesn’t it?

  4. January 13, 2010 @ 11:58 am Madame X

    HaHaHa — that moonlight walk thing is so funny! If I had a dollar for every time I read that in a man’s profile I would be rich.

  5. December 1, 2009 @ 2:01 pm KarinaLite

    I have given up on internet dating because I have never met a man who came even close to being as nice as his profile said he was. I fact I was scammed by someone who started asking me for money before we even met. There ought to me more oversite on the kind of people who are allowed on dating sites.

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