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Read Between The Lines


Single senior men are not as numerous as their younger counterparts, and prospecting is tough for us older gals. We’re panning for scarcer nuggets of gold, so we have to peer more intently – and more tolerantly – into the panning tray.

gold panning


If you want to prospect on line, let me warn you — the first time you visit an Internet dating site you’re bound to be disappointed. While your daughter and  granddaughter happily browse hundreds of studly specimens on their dating websites, you will be clicking despondently through photos of men with comb-overs and polyester clothing.

Guys don’t seem to care about their photos. They’ll put up any old thing. But if you pass up all the men who look bland or nerdy without learning a bit about who they are inside, you will miss some good men and some good times. The guys in my Dating Gallery are proof of this.

I ignored MILO on the first few passes, but when we got together I found him full of fascinating observations about life and love. STARGAZER is bald and overweight, but he loves to dance and he knows how to fish for wide mouth bass. FIGARO is fussy and compulsive, but he has filled me in on Verdi and Mozart and helped me appreciate divas like Jessye Norman and Montserrat Caballe.

The point is — enjoy each man for who he is, not who you need him to be. It’s hard enough to find Old Mr. Right; if you approach every encounter with a check list, you won’t find him at all.  The purpose of a first contact with a senior man is not to discover his capacity for long-term commitment or to learn the size of his stock portfolio. It’s simply to determine if he’s pleasant enough to connect with a second time.

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'Read Between The Lines' have 10 comments

  1. May 10, 2013 @ 6:01 am Elana

    I guess the message here is “relax”. That’s good advice, but hard to do.

  2. October 29, 2012 @ 7:26 am WinnieAwPooh

    I am SO glad to read this because too many websites urge making lists and checking credentials, leaving out the common sense argument that if it feels right and the guy is nice, you just go for it. Every date doesn’t have to be the greatest one in the world. I think it’s important to get out there and meet people.

  3. July 11, 2012 @ 11:28 am MJH19

    It’s important to have standards, but being too picky will get you nothing. I agree with taking each man as he is and not trying to make him over.

  4. March 13, 2012 @ 8:07 am Party Girl

    Alicia, keep trying. I have met some nice men who were not going to be ideal partners but who were good company. Sienna is right. Don’t limit yourself.

  5. January 1, 2012 @ 2:29 pm Alicia

    I tried this. It doesn’t work. I ended up with some men who were not simply losers, but very unpleasant to be around. I don’t want an ordinary man because I’m not used to that. My husband was a fine man and I don’t think it’s wrong to hold out for someone of quality. I’d rather be alone than with almost all of the men I’ve met on line.

  6. February 3, 2011 @ 11:40 am Tweets that mention Read Between The Lines | Dating Senior Men --

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Graceful Aging, Sepha. Sepha said: RT @datingseniormen The Supply and Demand Problem […]

  7. January 3, 2011 @ 11:51 am ElizAnn

    Bravo for you if you’re really meeting guys who are nice but not long term prospects. In my world it’s just losers, with few exceptions. But after too many of these you just get fed up.

  8. November 30, 2010 @ 3:57 pm MGI89

    I don’t know if I agree with this. I ask questions and I can tell right away if a man is good for the long term and if he’s not sometimes I stick with him anyway because it beats staying home and being lonely.

  9. November 29, 2009 @ 6:34 pm Sienna

    Hi Sophie — Welcome back! I’m a fan of the conservative approach for first dates. It’s too easy for us mature ladies to look as though we’re trying too hard, and trying too hard to be sexy is the worst. Unless Nature has blessed you with that rarest of attributes, a great-looking post-50 cleavage, I’d go slow on the decolletage as well. In general, when you leave a little something to the imagination, senior men are interested, but when you expose too much of a once-good thing, they may be eyeing the exit sign.

  10. November 29, 2009 @ 4:12 pm Sophie

    What do I wear on a first date? Something conservative? Something more sexy? I’m not even sure where we’re going so it’s hard to decide.

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