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Misers, Egoists Need Not Apply

AH, YES, WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?  

If a senior man wanders onto this site, he might want to know how female minds work during the search for companionship and love.  It seems only fair to put it out there. Let’s start with what we DON’T want.

We don’t want a man to assume we are starving for love.

We don’t want to eat at Denny’s.

We don’t want to hear the SAT scores of a man’s grandson before he learns the color of our eyes.

We don’t want to cook a perfect Chicken Kiev and clean up alone while he watches the game.

We don’t want to pay our share every single time.

We don’t want to be hidden from his friends and family.

We don’t want to hear about his past (and especially current) conquests.

We don’t want invidious comparisons – of our children, our pets, our girlfriends, our bosses, our ex-husbands, our hobbies and pursuits.

We don’t want to be used (e.g., as arm candy to make someone else jealous).

We don’t want to be loved for our nursemaid potential.

CONFIDENCE AND TENDERNESS. UH…TOO MUCH TO ASK?

You know the old rhyme about a woman needing several men, one with money, one with brains, one for sex, etc.  But hope springs eternal; even at our age we hope to find that all-in-one package.

We want men who reveal their true feelings.

We want lovers who understand not only sex, but also sensuality — and affection.

We prefer a book of poems to a bouquet of last-minute roses bought on the fly from a roadside vendor.

We want men who admire us and are proud to expose us to the admiration of others.

We want to be appreciated for how we look and how we love.

We want to eat at Le Cirque, and not just on our birthdays.

We want doors opened, chairs pulled out, and an arm to steady us when we cross the street.

We want men who care about our children and grandchildren, as we hope to care about theirs.

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'Misers, Egoists Need Not Apply' have 14 comments

  1. September 24, 2012 @ 3:43 pm Walker aka The Diva

    Great list. I also don’t want a man who can’t be bothered to take a little effort with his looks when we go out. I’m tired of first dates with men in t-shirts and shorts! (yes, even quasi-professional men)
    I would love to hear the male version, maybe Jim will share? It is so useful to hear both sides of the dating story.

  2. September 24, 2012 @ 3:43 pm Walker aka The Diva

    Great list. I also don’t want a man who can’t be bothered to take a little effort with his looks when we go out. I’m tired of first dates with men in t-shirts and shorts! (yes, even quasi-professional men)
    I would love to hear the male version, maybe Jim will share? It is so useful to hear both sides of the dating story.

  3. September 24, 2012 @ 3:04 pm Sienna

    Jim – What you say about senior men and women sharing the same desires and concerns is certainly true. I thank you for sharing your perspective.

    I’m sorry you have been unsuccessful (so far) in your search for a companion. I can only say that somewhere there is a woman of quality who will be drawn to you and you to her, because you certainly seem to be a treasure. That you loved your life partner so profoundly speaks well for who you are. The plus is that you are committed to women’s issues and to behaving as a gentleman! Please don’t give up the search.

  4. September 22, 2012 @ 10:48 am Jim

    And what do men want. Nearly every point on this list could be applied to what we men want. As a senior, a father of two beautiful daughters, married for 41 years to a wonderful woman I lost two years ago, I believe deeply in women’s issues and being a gentleman at all times. Yet my attempts to re-enter the dating scene in search of a life companion have been mostly disappointment even though I try to follow the rules of “what women want”. It’s not just about you ladies. It’s about many of us men too.

  5. May 31, 2012 @ 6:59 am Tracey

    This is a good list with stuff that actually means something, like the one about not wanting to pay our share every time. I actually had a relationship with a man who even in fancy restaurants would shove the check my way and wait for me to put my credit card alongside his. It was embarrassing.

  6. January 4, 2012 @ 12:37 pm TPG

    The Le Cirque requirement is a bit harsh for men who a.) dont live in NY and b.) can’t pay $250 for a meal with wine. I like to cook – does that get us off the hook?

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  8. September 25, 2010 @ 11:05 am Sienna

    Lillian, I agree and I’ve spent plenty of evenings trying to appear fascinated while a man listed his real or imagined accomplishments — and at our age it’s a long list. Men seem to want to establish themselves right away as achievers. Once they get that off their chests they are less likely to talk quite as much. If you seem unconvinced, though, they will keep talking until they see a spark of admiration in your eyes.

  9. September 22, 2010 @ 5:48 pm Lillian

    I guess I’d add to the dont list that we don’t want someone who talks your ear off and does not seem interested in what you have to say. Men at this age seem more self-centered than women and I think this is because we women have better social skills and we are used to being good listeners.

  10. April 10, 2010 @ 11:19 am Willa

    This is the best list, really funny. I love this blog. Thanks, Willa.

  11. February 23, 2010 @ 9:55 am ElizAnn

    These Don’t traits seeom to be common to a lot of senior men. I mean the world generally disses older people so you have to look out for yourself. As for a book of poetry, I guess I would think that was hokey.

  12. December 5, 2009 @ 6:57 am Claudette

    I’m afraid I’m stuck with the Denny’s type. He’d have a heart attack if I suggested Le Cirque. Except that he wouldn’t know what it was. lol

  13. October 17, 2009 @ 2:55 pm Sienna

    Diotima – Socrates was right about you as an advisor, and especially as a friend — the gods don’t make ’em any better. Thanks so much for posting.

  14. October 17, 2009 @ 6:22 am Diotima

    This is the wise and witty voice we’ve been waiting for — a truth-telling, life-affirming voice — a best girlfriend and a sage guide to uncharted territory. Not only does she have a map and compass, but also Sacajewea’s knowledge of where to find edible food and which snakes are poisionous. Plus, she’s a multi-lingual thesaurus for questions of the soul. A deep bow of gratitude!


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