If you think finding and dating a senior man is complicated, wait till you get to the sex. Young men’s maneuvering starts before the barista completes the first-date lattes, but older men take time to make the pitch.
SEX IS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM
If you’re dating a guy who’s over 60 and trying to bed you every waking minute, by all means hurry to the comments section below and share your joy with the readers of this blog. But in the earliest stages of a relationship, he may not be so insistent. Why will your senior man not fall upon you at once, and with unbridled passion?
- He fears comparison with your former lover(s).
Imagining his lady in the arms of another man is a drag for men at any age. Given your years of experience, a senior man may suppose you’ve been pleasured in ways that satisfied you – well, deeply.
- He fears comparison with his former self.
You may find a senior man who can’t help comparing his present endurance level with his performance 40 years ago. Not wanting to confirm his worst fears, he delays the sexual encounter. If he doesn’t try, he can’t fail.
- His blood pressure medicine is playing havoc with his libido.
High blood pressure can interfere with both desire and performance because it restricts blood flow to the penis. Some BP medications have similar effects. He hates the outcome, but likes that he can blame it on medications, not aging.
- One Viagra pill can cost $8.
At this rate, a serious relationship with you can cost $1200 a year.
- He has imagined you naked and suspects your body and Angelina Jolie’s are not the same.
The mature man’s dream of cavorting with a lithe young female body never dies, but if he is a realist he will embrace you for the goddess you are, albeit one with a saggy derriere. What — he’s Brad Pitt?!?
- He is uncomfortable suggesting AIDs testing.
Do you REALLY know where he’s been? If he doesn’t ask you, you should ask him. It’s not 1959 anymore.
- There are other women.
Did you pull your profile from the dating site the instant you met him? Did he?
- He’s been there, done that, and now he’d rather fondle a TV remote.
Some men don’t mourn their testosterone loss. They go with the flow — or in this case, with the ebb. These men are often cuddly and affectionate, and if you’d just as soon not have your bodice ripped, the two of you can be very happy.
THE DRIVE TO RECAPTURE THE DRIVE
Never having been a man I can only guess, but it must be difficult after 30 or 40 years in thrall to raging hormones to suddenly feel that the mechanism won’t work as it always has — immediately, and without fail.
It’s a rare woman who measures her whole life’s success by her orgasms. But a guy has been defining himself as a sexual being since he was about 11 years old. It follows that a waning libido can set off a real identity crisis.
Low libido troubles a woman who has it mostly when circumstances are moving her toward sexual encounter. But when a man no longer craves sex every waking minute he may think his life is over. Old men want sex now even more because they don’t want it – at least not the way they used to. The drive is to recapture the drive.
THE BODY OF KNOWLEDGE
Senior men have performance issues. Senior women have body issues. Men are thinking, “Can I get it up?” Women are thinking, “Why am I not Charlotte Johansson?” These obstacles can be overcome only if egos are intact and a sense of humor prevails. If you can’t depend on your ego just yet, lean on your ability to summon a smile. Sex is supposed to be fun, anyway.
It’s important to choose the right vocabulary when discussing a recalcitrant penis. One wrong word is pretty much going to bring the situation to a rapid and unsatisfactory conclusion. A man will appreciate a woman who can convey that it’s no big deal, that she knows this is the first and last time in his life his body has ever failed him. As for women — we respond to compliments soulfully rendered, such as “your skin is so soft,” or “your nipples are such a turn-on.” We like the old faithful, “I think you’re absolutely beautiful,” whether we are or not.
Senior men, like their younger counterparts, need visual stimulation, but they do not suspect that hard bodies are equally important to women. They mistakenly think women chat only about shoes and hair styles, never topics like Size Matters.
As a consequence, aging men are often stupefyingly unaware that a glance at their wrinkling/pudgy bodies can have a negative effect on female desire. I know one man who sees no substantial difference between the way he looks now and the way he looked when he was captain of the college baseball team. This is in stark contrast to women, who begin to worry at 30 that their bodies are going to hell. You will not see an ISO ad that reads: “Sixty-three-year-old widow ISO stunning man age 45-50 with perfect abs, tight buns. No flabbies or baldies.” We know what would come of that.