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Sex And The Single Senior

If you think finding and dating a senior man is complicated, wait till you get to the sex. A young man starts maneuvering before the barista completes the first-date lattes, but an older man may take time to make the pitch.

If you’re dating a guy who’s over 60 and trying to bed you every waking minute, by all means hurry to the comments section below and share your joy with the readers of this blog. But in the earliest stages of a relationship, he may not be so insistent. Why will your senior man not fall upon you at once, and with unbridled passion?

  • He fears comparison with your former lover(s).

Imagining his lady in the arms of another man is a drag for men at any age. Given your years of experience, a senior man may suppose you’ve been pleasured in ways that satisfied you – well, deeply.

  • He fears comparison with his former self.

You may find a senior man who can’t help comparing his present endurance level with his performance 40 years ago. Not wanting to confirm his worst fears, he delays the sexual encounter. If he doesn’t try, he can’t fail.

  • His blood pressure medicine is playing havoc with his libido.

High blood pressure can interfere with both desire and performance because it restricts blood flow to the penis. Some BP medications have similar effects. He hates the outcome, but likes that he can blame it on medications, not aging.

  • One Viagra pill can cost $8.

At this rate, a serious relationship with you can cost $1200 a year.


  • He has imagined you naked and suspects your body and Angelina Jolie’s are not the same.

The mature man’s dream of cavorting with a lithe young female body never dies, but if he is a realist he will embrace you for the goddess you are, albeit one whose derriere is a tiny bit saggy. What — he’s Brad Pitt?!?

  • He is uncomfortable suggesting AIDs testing.

Do you REALLY know where he’s been? If he doesn’t ask you, you should ask him. It’s not 1960 anymore.

  • There are other women.

Did you withdraw your profile from the internet dating site the instant you met him? Did he?

  • He’s been there, done that, and now he’d rather fondle a TV remote.

Some men don’t mourn their testosterone loss. They go with the flow — or in this case, with the ebb. These men are often cuddly and affectionate, and if you’d just as soon not have your bodice ripped, the two of you can be very happy.


Never having been a man I can only imagine how difficult it can be after 30 or 40 years of raging hormones to suddenly feel that the mechanism won’t work as it always has — immediately, and without fail.

It’s a rare woman who measures her whole life’s success by her orgasms. But a guy has been defining himself as a sexual being since he was about 11 years old. It follows that a waning libido can set off a real identity crisis.

Low libido troubles a woman who has it mostly when circumstances are moving her toward sexual encounter. But when a man no longer craves sex every waking minute he may think his life is over. Old men want sex now even more because they don’t want it — well, they want it, but not quite the way they used to. The drive is to recapture the drive.


Senior men have performance issues. Senior women have body issues. Men are thinking, “Can I get it up?” Women are thinking, “Why am I not Charlotte Johansson?”  These obstacles can be overcome only if egos are intact and a sense of humor prevails.  If you can’t depend on your ego just yet, lean on your ability to summon a smile. Sex is supposed to be fun, anyway.

It’s important to choose the right vocabulary. One wrong word is pretty much going to bring the situation to a rapid and unsatisfactory conclusion. A man whose penis – in the midst of things – suddenly refuses to cooperate will appreciate a woman who can convey that it’s no big deal, that she knows this is the first and last time his body has ever failed him.

As for women — we respond to compliments soulfully rendered, such as “your skin is so soft,” or “your nipples are such a turn-on.” We like best the old faithful, “I think you’re absolutely beautiful,” whether we are or not. The phrase makes us feel beautiful in the moment, and what a great moment that can be.

intimate couple


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'Sex And The Single Senior' have 50 comments

  1. July 27, 2015 @ 10:14 am Sienna

    Geoff – I appreciate your comment, and I don’t doubt your preferences are shared by many men. But as a pro-older-women blogger I must point out that in this very moment joyful sex is being enjoyed by millions of women who, in addition to having given birth, do not fit your other requirements. Some of them may be partnered with men whose equipment does not meet certain “size matters” standards. These fortunate people are experiencing myriad excitements not bound to physical perfection.

  2. July 24, 2015 @ 4:08 pm Geoff

    One big reason is that a man is concerned that the womans vagina is loose. We like tight equipment, women who have had babies very often are not tight. Sorry but I am 60 and have spoken to many, many guys about this. It is one of the single most important attributes required of a woman. That and being feminine and having a sexy body.

  3. July 23, 2015 @ 10:59 pm Liz

    I dated this guy when I was 22 and he was 45. We moved on, but recently reached out to one another and have since hooked up. I’m 40 and he’s in his 60s. He turns me on because he loves foreplay. He has made me have at least 20 orgasms before we both pass out. No, I probably wouldn’t ever get serious with him because we lead different lives, but we fit like a hand and glove. We get along, we have the same sense of humor and he is a giver and wants to make me happy. It’s really nice.

  4. July 13, 2015 @ 9:37 am Sienna

    Harry – We older gals always like to hear of our desirability and yours is quite a unique and poetic form of praise. I’ll be happy when the phrase “still able to get it up” disappears from the vocabulary of our youth-obsessed culture. It implies a defensiveness that is not needed – a healthy man of your age should have another couple of decades to feel frisky – and able. Thanks for your comment.

  5. July 12, 2015 @ 6:40 pm harry

    Something I have noticed in my perusing of porno websites (I’m in my 70’s and still horny as hell and able to ‘get it up’) is that women even in their late sixties, may have an older wrinkled face, arms and etc. but when it comes to their upper thighs and the sweet spot they are nearly the same as much younger women…meaning firm and rather succulent. It seems that the last area to age in older women is this area and what a blessing it is to us horny old guys…and probably some younger guys if they knew what they were missing. No I haven’t ‘already said this’ as I am brand new to this forum !!!

  6. June 29, 2015 @ 9:43 am Sienna

    Lisa – I’m so glad you appreciate the joys of a mature ma and that you confirm that for a healthy 60-plus man Viagra is not even on the radar — far from it! I love that he smells nice and doesn’t play video games! Thanks so much for your comment.

  7. June 18, 2015 @ 9:40 pm Lisa

    I just turned 43 and my BF almost 65 and we’ve been together for almost two years. I am totally in love with him and he’s HOT! He runs and does yoga and ballroom dances and is in great shape. He always smells nice and he wears great jeans that look cute on his butt. He’s in WAY better shape than my ex husband (who is three years younger than me) and NOOOOO he doesn’t need Viagra. In fact, he’s insatiable and wants sex at least once a day. We have a beautiful relationship because our age difference allows him to be the leader and in a sense, he’s “raising” me because I’m very much still a child in many ways. I look up to him as a Mentor and a lover and yes, a bit of a father figure. Most of our time, we certainly spend as peers but whenever I need help he takes over as a parent in some ways, but there are times that I cuddle him and call him “baby doll” when he’s had a stressful day. He is definitely the love of my life. I’ve never been happier and more secure, he teaches me math and science and music…I feel like I get to start my life over with him and become the person I have always wanted to be. And…what’s the HOTTEST thing about him???? He doesn’t play video games!!!!!

  8. June 4, 2015 @ 10:28 am Sienna

    Bonnie — What a great story! I love the “makes my toes curl” part. I tell my readers that they’ll miss a lot if they set age limits, and your story perfectily backs up that claim.

  9. June 2, 2015 @ 3:03 pm Bonnie

    I am 47 and my boyfriend is 64. I knew him for 20 years prior to dating him while we were both married and having children. It wasn’t until we were sat next to each other at a mutual friends daughter’s wedding that we reconnected and were both divorced. He tried for two years for me to accept a date with him. I couldn’t wrap my head around our age difference and the fact that he’s Irish and the Irish do not age well. I fell in love with him on the first date, he was so chivalrous, attentive and OMG what a fabulous kisser. The sex is the best I have ever had, he knows his way around a ladies body and how to make my toes curl every time he touches me. He always makes sure I am satisfied several times before he satisfies himself. He’s the most fun I have ever had because he’s not afraid to take chances in life. People almost always have something to say about how old he looks until they get to know him. In the end I know him and how happy we are together and that’s all that matters. BTW/ I am a highly successful professional and am not interested in him for money, I have my own…

  10. April 5, 2015 @ 5:59 am JustMe

    Definitely a myth! I’m 40 and my boyfriend is 76. And he’s always up for it every day We’re very much in love with each other, that probably helps a lot too :)

  11. December 1, 2014 @ 11:10 am Sienna

    Hanna — You’re a lucky woman indeed. Thanks for helping to dispel the myth that sex is over at 50. As you have learned, nothing could be further from the truth!

  12. November 30, 2014 @ 9:17 am Hanna

    I am 38 and would definitely take an older man over a younger one. I divorced my 48 year old husband just to be with my plastic surgeon who is 68 years old. Needless to say he does perform without fail every single night. He’s in better health than most people in their 30’s.. I’ve always gone for older men but the men in their 60’s these days are amazing in every way possible. His body still looks fabulous and his mind is as sharp as ever! I’ve known this man for 14 years now and he just keeps getting better with age. I am a very lucky woman to have such a fantastic lover, even with him being 68.

  13. October 11, 2014 @ 7:42 am Sienna

    Barry — I’ll admit that craft markets are boring for most men, but with patience you can turn the trip into a pleasant afternoon of shared discovery. Enthusiastic participation in something she enjoys will eventually lead to the intimacy you require (think of it as a kind of foreplay). A man who seems to enjoy accompanying a woman to a market, or who shows a sustained (not just polite) interest in her career would be the kind of man a woman is looking for. What you call a “good, fun relationship” would include you enjoying what she enjoys outside as well as inside the bedroom.

  14. October 7, 2014 @ 2:45 am Barry

    Almost 64, and cannot even get a date. So, where are all this women supposedly wanting sex?. The only ones I come across are only interested in craft markets etc. How boring. Am I missing something? YES, the money I waste for boring sex. Seems to me, women today are more interested in their careers, than establishing a good, fun, relationship.

  15. September 21, 2014 @ 9:46 am kamlesh

    I love oldmen

  16. June 11, 2014 @ 7:47 am Sienna

    Tesh — I love your outlook! I hear from too many women who vow never to spend time with a man who’s more than 2 or 3 years older. I think they’re missing out.

  17. June 6, 2014 @ 10:21 pm Tesh

    My boyfriend is 64 and I am 48 and sex is amazing with him! I think age is just a number. When you love someone you don’t care what the age gap is.

  18. June 1, 2014 @ 8:27 am Sienna

    Brooklyn Woman — you are so right! Nothing upsets me more than the notion that a man in his 60’s is over the hill sexually. What awful ageism! AND — Believe me, you have many more years to enjoy this man’s capabilities!

  19. May 13, 2014 @ 6:51 pm Brooklyn Woman 5

    I have been dating a 62 yr old for the past 6 months
    I am 49. Honestly, the sex is incredible! I might one of the lucky ones that has been fortunate enough to get a fine specimen of a senior! Lol I did not know his true age because I had taken it for granted that he looked to be in his early 50’s in age and body. So the day I asked him about his birthday I almost died when he informed me he was 62! This has not hindered our relationship . He has asked me what am I doing with a man his age…. But in reality age has nothing to do with this relationship…. And trust me when I tell u…..age is just a number because this man has proven it!!!!!

  20. October 24, 2013 @ 9:44 am Sienna

    Deedee – What a great story! I wish you both continued happiness. Thanks for the inspiration.

  21. August 15, 2013 @ 10:44 am Deedee

    I hadn’t had sex for over 20 Years and I am 61 and met a man 75 and sex is awesome for both of us. However now for him it is all about sex. He had been treated for prostate cancer and claims he had not been able to perform. One more thing – this is without using Viagra

  22. April 16, 2013 @ 11:58 am William

    Hello i was just reading some of peoples thoughts on this sex stuff. and let me tell you ladys something i am 74 and yes i still love sex and would like a lot more too. But it seems like the ladies just don’t want sex anymore i don’t know what it is but thats the way it looks to me. See i don’t have any trouble but for some reason the older mature women just don’t seem to want any sex. now how does a man find a woman that still loves sex?

  23. April 8, 2013 @ 8:11 pm SG

    Men over 60 are not all struggling with flagging erections. There’s a bigger difference in health, libido and functioning among men over 60 than there is among men in their 20’s. Some lucky men in their 60’s still want sex all the time and have no trouble at all with erections.

  24. April 8, 2013 @ 2:12 pm Sienna

    We must be grateful to Dr. Robert Jason (see his comment above) for confirming the importance of sex for 60-plus women. Dr. Jason is a board certified OB-GYN specializing in the procedures he mentions. I confess that I’ve given no thought at all to beautifying my perineum, being more concerned with things like how my grandsons will do on their SATs. Every woman has her own priorities, of course, and for those who long for vaginal comeliness, I offer this quote from Dr. Jason’s website,

    “Through a procedure called Laser Perineoplasty, we can restructure the relaxed or aging perineum. We will enhance both the sagging vaginal outer lips and inner lips. Overall the procedure will result in a youthful and aesthetically appealing vulva..”

  25. April 8, 2013 @ 12:53 pm Dr. Robert Jason

    With the rise of bio-identical hormones and the subsequent youthful effects on a woman’s body, having an active and satisfying sex life has become common for women after 60. This is especially fantastic, because women in this age bracket previously viewed this period as an age where their sex life was behind them. Because these women are enjoying a healthy sex life, there are numerous positive outcomes. Most importantly, many women experience a restored sense of well-bring, which even spills over into their physical vitality (e.g., energy, exercise).

    When people are in their 60s, they are typically at a tranquil place spiritually because they have a true understanding of who they are and the challenges of child rearing are long behind them. This tranquility coupled with replacement of lost hormones has given women back their vitality and their sex lives. This degree of physical, emotional and sexual well-bring provides the perfect environment for any necessary vaginal surgery. Sometimes it’s tightening (i.e., Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation) to improve gratification. Sometimes, it’s labiaplasty (or Designer Laser Vaginoplasty) to restore the youthful appearance of the vagina (as the vagina, like any other part of the body, ages). Ultimately, options are available to enhance your sex life, even after 60!

  26. April 3, 2013 @ 6:05 pm Sienna

    Deb, I’m glad you’ve found someone who matches your temperament and love of sensual pleasure. It sounds as though in your last relationship your lover was making it all about him. Makes you appreciate your current love, I’m sure.

  27. March 27, 2013 @ 11:42 pm deb

    good article..I am a 59 year old woman who is currently in a relationship with a 60 year old sex I’ve had in ages! Mostly because we both are open and playful..we laugh and we explore..neither of us looks like we did 30 years ago and it doesn’t matter. Before my current lover I was with a 54 year old ‘hot body’ doctor. He in fact DID look like he did 30 years ago and while that was attractive and I felt like I had a ‘trophy lover’ he was incredibly narcissistic and rather cold. My lover now is passionate and romantic..we talk about when and if he ‘can’t get it up’…(and of course he fears that)..but I feel like we have addressed it, planned for it and even laughed about it…I am so grateful to have met him now. I couldn’t have appreciated him years ago.

  28. March 24, 2013 @ 2:08 pm Percy

    Good stuff here, although I could do without your comment that men are scared they can’t get it up. I’ve never had a problem, since I was 11 (you got that one right)haha

  29. March 3, 2013 @ 12:24 pm Sienna

    Anad, You are indeed a lucky girl (and he sounds pretty lucky, too)! Your wonderfully positive comment confirms a central message of this website – that sex with a healthy, caring senior man is not geriatric at all. You’re helping us get the word out that you don’t have to be a 30-something to have exciting sex.

  30. March 1, 2013 @ 3:03 pm Anad

    I hurried to the comment section…

    I am 53 and 2 years ago, I met my wonderful man who is 60 now…and, he could not keep his hands off me…and I had to hold him for 2 months before we became intimate…lol.

    We now live together and while our hands are not on each other all the time these days, we both are having the best sex of our lives…he is the best and most playful lover of my life…

    I am a lucky girl to be with a “senior” man…

  31. December 16, 2012 @ 8:37 am Mgirl

    When an old man wants a beautiful woman everybody expects that, but women our age are expected to overlook big bellies and bald heads and bad choices of clothing.

  32. November 16, 2012 @ 11:11 am Sienna

    Spencer – I thought prices were down, not up, since I wrote this. What gives?

  33. November 15, 2012 @ 10:44 am Spencer

    Enjoyed your article.
    Where on earth do you get Viagra for $8.00
    Its $18.00 in Canada and I have shopped around.

  34. July 30, 2012 @ 6:37 pm Sienna

    I cannot dispense advice that could be construed as medical, May, but I can tell you that I asked my gynecologist a similar question and he said that with proper lubrication (your own or artificial), there’s no danger of tearing. You really should consult your own doctor if you continue to be concerned about this.

  35. July 30, 2012 @ 6:29 pm May

    Is it possible for sex to be dangerous for older women who haven’t had it for some time? I am worrying about vaginal tearing.

  36. July 16, 2012 @ 1:04 pm Walt

    I have to disagree with you, Sienna, on men being clueless about the diminishing of their physical attractiveness. I am quite aware of my sagging butt and my protruding stomach. But I expect a woman who is close to my age to see me as attractive because she wants me also not to compare her to a 30-year-old, which, by the way, I don’t. If you’re meeting on equal ground you’re not going to have these issues.

  37. July 16, 2012 @ 12:55 pm Alicia

    You’re right about men being focused on orgasms. Older men are scared that they are going to become unable to perform and that makes them more eager to get it on before it’s too late. Women have been dealing all their lives with male urgency though, so it’s not a surprise.

  38. July 12, 2012 @ 11:43 am Jean

    Try asking a widower who was married for forty years to a woman who couldn’t have kids to wear a condom. Total turn off. BTW I am still of child bearing age.

  39. January 23, 2012 @ 1:29 pm Sienna

    Thanks for your comment, Ann. I appreciate the vote of confidence, and I agree that there are a lot of pressures on us older gals when it comes to finding the right match (or any match at all!). But I think it’s worth it to keep trying…there are nice men out there waiting for a chance to prove themselves to be loyal and sensitive lovers.

  40. January 23, 2012 @ 3:04 am Ann Alka WorkingBoomer

    It is good that someone can actually write about this subject with knowledge. Dating in the senior years can be complicated if one is not prepared. Sex can be complicated at any age. The information was very good and did cover the subject very well. I wish a friend of mine had read it before diving into a relationship. Thank you for the write.

  41. January 22, 2012 @ 12:24 pm Walt

    So much of this kind of advice appears on the internet and so women are way ahead of you, trying to be sensitive to your doubts. I don’t have any and I”m looking for a woman who will knock off that sensitivity crap and just relax and enjoy what I can do just fine.

  42. June 19, 2011 @ 5:54 am TooShy2

    I am one of those women who worries about what will happen when I expose my older body to a new man. Consequently I’ve lost some opportunities, or at least they might have been opportunities if the men had stuck around. A few months ago a man I really like almost tore my clothes off and I was hot for him, too, but at the last minute I got scared and made up an excuse. We still see each other sometimes, but he hasn’t made any more moves. If we could talk about what happened it might help, but when I approach the subject he won’t deal with it. It’s too bad, because he might have been able to help me get over my shyness.

  43. June 13, 2011 @ 1:37 pm Madame X

    I smiled when I read Golden Girl’s response because last night I showed it to a guy I’ve been dating and he didn’t know what to say. I don’t think he liked it, but I think also that he isn’t comfortable about talking about sex, especially because we’re not “doing it.” What you say about men thinking they still look like they did thirty years ago is true, and it is intimidating to say the least when you think they are appraising your body.

  44. October 9, 2010 @ 8:12 am Willa

    Hahahaha. Good post. So-o-o-o-o true some of this stuff.

  45. December 22, 2009 @ 5:14 am Just Joe

    I can’t agree more. I have underestimated my powers too many times, but I also overestimated the women I dated. When you’re an older man, getting it up is dependent upon having deeper feelings about the woman you’re with. If her body is the same as yours (old)– she has to turn you on as a person. If she does that, you’ll want her and sex will be satisfying. Good post.

  46. December 4, 2009 @ 11:13 pm Claudette

    OK, I’m sold! You’ve hit the nail on the head here. I actually get more anxious about the man’s self-doubt than about my own nerves when I’m with someone new. You’ve offered some really helpful points here, and I thank you.

  47. November 30, 2009 @ 7:14 am Firenze

    Wonderfully written – funny, informative, should be published in some quarterly for senior men !

  48. November 9, 2009 @ 5:53 pm Sienna

    How senior is he? Does he buy green bananas? Does he appear to have enough time left to read an instruction manual? At our age, it may be wise to go straight to the on-the-job training.

  49. November 8, 2009 @ 11:59 pm Golden Girl

    Wow! Are you related to Dr. Ruth? Very informative and helpful information. Do you think it would be a good idea to share this with a senior (soon to be) lover, as foreplay?

  50. October 15, 2009 @ 12:24 pm VizslaMom is the perfect venue for your humorist writing skills

    will pass this along to interested friends

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