Sex And The Single Senior

If you think finding and dating a senior man is complicated, wait till you get to the sex. Young men’s maneuvering starts before the barista completes the first-date lattes, but older men take time to make the pitch.

SEX IS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

If you’re dating a guy who’s over 60 and trying to bed you every waking minute, by all means hurry to the comments section below and share your joy with the readers of this blog. But in the earliest stages of a relationship, he may not be so insistent. Why will your senior man not fall upon you at once, and with unbridled passion?

  • He fears comparison with your former lover(s).

Imagining his lady in the arms of another man is a drag for men at any age. Given your years of experience, a senior man may suppose you’ve been pleasured in ways that satisfied you – well, deeply.

  • He fears comparison with his former self.

You may find a senior man who can’t help comparing his present endurance level with his performance 40 years ago. Not wanting to confirm his worst fears, he delays the sexual encounter. If he doesn’t try, he can’t fail.

  • His blood pressure medicine is playing havoc with his libido.

High blood pressure can interfere with both desire and performance because it restricts blood flow to the penis. Some BP medications have similar effects. He hates the outcome, but likes that he can blame it on medications, not aging.

  • One Viagra pill can cost $8.

At this rate, a serious relationship with you can cost $1200 a year.

angelina-jolie-61

  • He has imagined you naked and suspects your body and Angelina Jolie’s are not the same.

The mature man’s dream of cavorting with a lithe young female body never dies, but if he is a realist he will embrace you for the goddess you are, albeit one with a saggy derriere. What — he’s Brad Pitt?!?

  • He is uncomfortable suggesting AIDs testing.

Do you REALLY know where he’s been? If he doesn’t ask you, you should ask him. It’s not 1959 anymore.

  • There are other women.

Did you pull your profile from the dating site the instant you met him? Did he?

  • He’s been there, done that, and now he’d rather fondle a TV remote.

Some men don’t mourn their testosterone loss. They go with the flow — or in this case, with the ebb. These men are often cuddly and affectionate, and if you’d just as soon not have your bodice ripped, the two of you can be very happy.

THE DRIVE TO RECAPTURE THE DRIVE

Never having been a man I can only guess, but it must be difficult after 30 or 40 years in thrall to raging hormones to suddenly feel that the mechanism won’t work as it always has — immediately, and without fail.

couple on bridge

It’s a rare woman who measures her whole life’s success by her orgasms. But a guy has been defining himself as a sexual being since he was about 11 years old. It follows that a waning libido can set off a real identity crisis.

Low libido troubles a woman who has it mostly when circumstances are moving her toward sexual encounter. But when a man no longer craves sex every waking minute he may think his life is over. Old men want sex now even more because they don’t want it – at least not the way they used to. The drive is to recapture the drive.

THE BODY OF KNOWLEDGE

Senior men have performance issues. Senior women have body issues. Men are thinking, “Can I get it up?” Women are thinking, “Why am I not Charlotte Johansson?”  These obstacles can be overcome only if egos are intact and a sense of humor prevails.  If you can’t depend on your ego just yet, lean on your ability to summon a smile. Sex is supposed to be fun, anyway.

It’s important to choose the right vocabulary when discussing a recalcitrant penis. One wrong word is pretty much going to bring the situation to a rapid and unsatisfactory conclusion. A man will appreciate a woman who can convey that it’s no big deal, that she knows this is the first and last time in his life his body has ever failed him. As for women — we respond to compliments soulfully rendered, such as “your skin is so soft,” or “your nipples are such a turn-on.” We like the old faithful, “I think you’re absolutely beautiful,” whether we are or not.

intimate couple

Senior men, like their younger counterparts, need visual stimulation, but they do not suspect that hard bodies are equally important to women. They mistakenly think women chat only about shoes and hair styles, never topics like Size Matters.

As a consequence, aging men are often stupefyingly unaware that a glance at their wrinkling/pudgy bodies can have a negative effect on female desire. I know one man who sees no substantial difference between the way he looks now and the way he looked when he was captain of the college baseball team. This is in stark contrast to women, who begin to worry at 30 that their bodies are going to hell. You will not see an ISO ad that reads: “Sixty-three-year-old widow ISO stunning man age 45-50 with perfect abs, tight buns. No flabbies or baldies.” We know what would come of that.

» Filed Under Dealing With Debacles, Sex With Old Guys, What Senior Women Want

Comments

34 Responses to “Sex And The Single Senior”

  1. VizslaMom on October 15th, 2009 12:24 pm

    datingseniormen.com is the perfect venue for your humorist writing skills

    will pass this along to interested friends

  2. Golden Girl on November 8th, 2009 11:59 pm

    Wow! Are you related to Dr. Ruth? Very informative and helpful information. Do you think it would be a good idea to share this with a senior (soon to be) lover, as foreplay?

  3. Sienna on November 9th, 2009 5:53 pm

    How senior is he? Does he buy green bananas? Does he appear to have enough time left to read an instruction manual? At our age, it may be wise to go straight to the on-the-job training.

  4. Firenze on November 30th, 2009 7:14 am

    Wonderfully written – funny, informative, should be published in some quarterly for senior men !

  5. Claudette on December 4th, 2009 11:13 pm

    OK, I’m sold! You’ve hit the nail on the head here. I actually get more anxious about the man’s self-doubt than about my own nerves when I’m with someone new. You’ve offered some really helpful points here, and I thank you.

  6. Just Joe on December 22nd, 2009 5:14 am

    I can’t agree more. I have underestimated my powers too many times, but I also overestimated the women I dated. When you’re an older man, getting it up is dependent upon having deeper feelings about the woman you’re with. If her body is the same as yours (old)– she has to turn you on as a person. If she does that, you’ll want her and sex will be satisfying. Good post.

  7. Willa on October 9th, 2010 8:12 am

    Hahahaha. Good post. So-o-o-o-o true some of this stuff.

  8. Madame X on June 13th, 2011 1:37 pm

    I smiled when I read Golden Girl’s response because last night I showed it to a guy I’ve been dating and he didn’t know what to say. I don’t think he liked it, but I think also that he isn’t comfortable about talking about sex, especially because we’re not “doing it.” What you say about men thinking they still look like they did thirty years ago is true, and it is intimidating to say the least when you think they are appraising your body.

  9. TooShy2 on June 19th, 2011 5:54 am

    I am one of those women who worries about what will happen when I expose my older body to a new man. Consequently I’ve lost some opportunities, or at least they might have been opportunities if the men had stuck around. A few months ago a man I really like almost tore my clothes off and I was hot for him, too, but at the last minute I got scared and made up an excuse. We still see each other sometimes, but he hasn’t made any more moves. If we could talk about what happened it might help, but when I approach the subject he won’t deal with it. It’s too bad, because he might have been able to help me get over my shyness.

  10. Walt on January 22nd, 2012 12:24 pm

    So much of this kind of advice appears on the internet and so women are way ahead of you, trying to be sensitive to your doubts. I don’t have any and I”m looking for a woman who will knock off that sensitivity crap and just relax and enjoy what I can do just fine.

  11. Ann Alka WorkingBoomer on January 23rd, 2012 3:04 am

    It is good that someone can actually write about this subject with knowledge. Dating in the senior years can be complicated if one is not prepared. Sex can be complicated at any age. The information was very good and did cover the subject very well. I wish a friend of mine had read it before diving into a relationship. Thank you for the write.

  12. Sienna on January 23rd, 2012 1:29 pm

    Thanks for your comment, Ann. I appreciate the vote of confidence, and I agree that there are a lot of pressures on us older gals when it comes to finding the right match (or any match at all!). But I think it’s worth it to keep trying…there are nice men out there waiting for a chance to prove themselves to be loyal and sensitive lovers.

  13. Jean on July 12th, 2012 11:43 am

    Try asking a widower who was married for forty years to a woman who couldn’t have kids to wear a condom. Total turn off. BTW I am still of child bearing age.

  14. Alicia on July 16th, 2012 12:55 pm

    You’re right about men being focused on orgasms. Older men are scared that they are going to become unable to perform and that makes them more eager to get it on before it’s too late. Women have been dealing all their lives with male urgency though, so it’s not a surprise.

  15. Walt on July 16th, 2012 1:04 pm

    I have to disagree with you, Sienna, on men being clueless about the diminishing of their physical attractiveness. I am quite aware of my sagging butt and my protruding stomach. But I expect a woman who is close to my age to see me as attractive because she wants me also not to compare her to a 30-year-old, which, by the way, I don’t. If you’re meeting on equal ground you’re not going to have these issues.

  16. May on July 30th, 2012 6:29 pm

    Is it possible for sex to be dangerous for older women who haven’t had it for some time? I am worrying about vaginal tearing.

  17. Sienna on July 30th, 2012 6:37 pm

    I cannot dispense advice that could be construed as medical, May, but I can tell you that I asked my gynecologist a similar question and he said that with proper lubrication (your own or artificial), there’s no danger of tearing. You really should consult your own doctor if you continue to be concerned about this.

  18. Spencer on November 15th, 2012 10:44 am

    Enjoyed your article.
    Where on earth do you get Viagra for $8.00
    Its $18.00 in Canada and I have shopped around.

  19. Sienna on November 16th, 2012 11:11 am

    Spencer – I thought prices were down, not up, since I wrote this. What gives?

  20. Mgirl on December 16th, 2012 8:37 am

    When an old man wants a beautiful woman everybody expects that, but women our age are expected to overlook big bellies and bald heads and bad choices of clothing.

  21. Anad on March 1st, 2013 3:03 pm

    I hurried to the comment section…

    I am 53 and 2 years ago, I met my wonderful man who is 60 now…and, he could not keep his hands off me…and I had to hold him for 2 months before we became intimate…lol.

    We now live together and while our hands are not on each other all the time these days, we both are having the best sex of our lives…he is the best and most playful lover of my life…

    I am a lucky girl to be with a “senior” man…

  22. Sienna on March 3rd, 2013 12:24 pm

    Anad, You are indeed a lucky girl (and he sounds pretty lucky, too)! Your wonderfully positive comment confirms a central message of this website – that sex with a healthy, caring senior man is not geriatric at all. You’re helping us get the word out that you don’t have to be a 30-something to have exciting sex.

  23. Percy on March 24th, 2013 2:08 pm

    Good stuff here, although I could do without your comment that men are scared they can’t get it up. I’ve never had a problem, since I was 11 (you got that one right)haha

  24. deb on March 27th, 2013 11:42 pm

    good article..I am a 59 year old woman who is currently in a relationship with a 60 year old man..best sex I’ve had in ages! Mostly because we both are open and playful..we laugh and we explore..neither of us looks like we did 30 years ago and it doesn’t matter. Before my current lover I was with a 54 year old ‘hot body’ doctor. He in fact DID look like he did 30 years ago and while that was attractive and I felt like I had a ‘trophy lover’ he was incredibly narcissistic and rather cold. My lover now is passionate and romantic..we talk about when and if he ‘can’t get it up’…(and of course he fears that)..but I feel like we have addressed it, planned for it and even laughed about it…I am so grateful to have met him now. I couldn’t have appreciated him years ago.

  25. Sienna on April 3rd, 2013 6:05 pm

    Deb, I’m glad you’ve found someone who matches your temperament and love of sensual pleasure. It sounds as though in your last relationship your lover was making it all about him. Makes you appreciate your current love, I’m sure.

  26. Dr. Robert Jason on April 8th, 2013 12:53 pm

    With the rise of bio-identical hormones and the subsequent youthful effects on a woman’s body, having an active and satisfying sex life has become common for women after 60. This is especially fantastic, because women in this age bracket previously viewed this period as an age where their sex life was behind them. Because these women are enjoying a healthy sex life, there are numerous positive outcomes. Most importantly, many women experience a restored sense of well-bring, which even spills over into their physical vitality (e.g., energy, exercise).

    When people are in their 60s, they are typically at a tranquil place spiritually because they have a true understanding of who they are and the challenges of child rearing are long behind them. This tranquility coupled with replacement of lost hormones has given women back their vitality and their sex lives. This degree of physical, emotional and sexual well-bring provides the perfect environment for any necessary vaginal surgery. Sometimes it’s tightening (i.e., Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation) to improve gratification. Sometimes, it’s labiaplasty (or Designer Laser Vaginoplasty) to restore the youthful appearance of the vagina (as the vagina, like any other part of the body, ages). Ultimately, options are available to enhance your sex life, even after 60!

  27. Sienna on April 8th, 2013 2:12 pm

    We must be grateful to Dr. Robert Jason (see his comment above) for confirming the importance of sex for 60-plus women. Dr. Jason is a board certified OB-GYN specializing in the procedures he mentions. I confess that I’ve given no thought at all to beautifying my perineum, being more concerned with things like how my grandsons will do on their SATs. Every woman has her own priorities, of course, and for those who long for vaginal comeliness, I offer this quote from Dr. Jason’s website, http://www.lvri-ny.com.

    “Through a procedure called Laser Perineoplasty, we can restructure the relaxed or aging perineum. We will enhance both the sagging vaginal outer lips and inner lips. Overall the procedure will result in a youthful and aesthetically appealing vulva..”

  28. SG on April 8th, 2013 8:11 pm

    Men over 60 are not all struggling with flagging erections. There’s a bigger difference in health, libido and functioning among men over 60 than there is among men in their 20′s. Some lucky men in their 60′s still want sex all the time and have no trouble at all with erections.

  29. William on April 16th, 2013 11:58 am

    Hello i was just reading some of peoples thoughts on this sex stuff. and let me tell you ladys something i am 74 and yes i still love sex and would like a lot more too. But it seems like the ladies just don’t want sex anymore i don’t know what it is but thats the way it looks to me. See i don’t have any trouble but for some reason the older mature women just don’t seem to want any sex. now how does a man find a woman that still loves sex?

  30. Deedee on August 15th, 2013 10:44 am

    I hadn’t had sex for over 20 Years and I am 61 and met a man 75 and sex is awesome for both of us. However now for him it is all about sex. He had been treated for prostate cancer and claims he had not been able to perform. One more thing – this is without using Viagra

  31. Sienna on October 24th, 2013 9:44 am

    Deedee – What a great story! I wish you both continued happiness. Thanks for the inspiration.

  32. Brooklyn Woman 5 on May 13th, 2014 6:51 pm

    I have been dating a 62 yr old for the past 6 months
    I am 49. Honestly, the sex is incredible! I might one of the lucky ones that has been fortunate enough to get a fine specimen of a senior! Lol I did not know his true age because I had taken it for granted that he looked to be in his early 50′s in age and body. So the day I asked him about his birthday I almost died when he informed me he was 62! This has not hindered our relationship . He has asked me what am I doing with a man his age…. But in reality age has nothing to do with this relationship…. And trust me when I tell u…..age is just a number because this man has proven it!!!!!

  33. Sienna on June 1st, 2014 8:27 am

    Brooklyn Woman — you are so right! Nothing upsets me more than the notion that a man in his 60′s is over the hill sexually. What awful ageism! AND — Believe me, you have many more years to enjoy this man’s capabilities!

  34. Tesh on June 6th, 2014 10:21 pm

    My boyfriend is 64 and I am 48 and sex is amazing with him! I think age is just a number. When you love someone you don’t care what the age gap is.

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