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Sex And The Single Senior

If you think finding and dating a senior man is complicated, wait till you get to the sex. A young man starts maneuvering before the barista completes the first-date lattes, but an older man may take time to make the pitch.

If you’re dating a guy who’s over 60 and trying to bed you every waking minute, by all means hurry to the comments section below and share your joy with the readers of this blog. But in the earliest stages of a relationship, he may not be so insistent. Why will your senior man not fall upon you at once, and with unbridled passion?

  • He fears comparison with your former lover(s).

Imagining his lady in the arms of another man is a drag for men at any age. Given your years of experience, a senior man may suppose you’ve been pleasured in ways that satisfied you – well, deeply.

  • He fears comparison with his former self.

You may find a senior man who can’t help comparing his present endurance level with his performance 40 years ago. Not wanting to confirm his worst fears, he delays the sexual encounter. If he doesn’t try, he can’t fail.

  • His blood pressure medicine is playing havoc with his libido.

High blood pressure can interfere with both desire and performance because it restricts blood flow to the penis. Some BP medications have similar effects. He hates the outcome, but likes that he can blame it on medications, not aging.

  • One Viagra pill can cost $8.

At this rate, a serious relationship with you can cost $1200 a year.


  • He has imagined you naked and suspects your body and Angelina Jolie’s are not the same.

The mature man’s dream of cavorting with a lithe young female body never dies, but if he is a realist he will embrace you for the goddess you are, albeit one whose derriere is a tiny bit saggy. What — he’s Brad Pitt?!?

  • He is uncomfortable suggesting AIDs testing.

Do you REALLY know where he’s been? If he doesn’t ask you, you should ask him. It’s not 1960 anymore.

  • There are other women.

Did you withdraw your profile from the internet dating site the instant you met him? Did he?

  • He’s been there, done that, and now he’d rather fondle a TV remote.

Some men don’t mourn their testosterone loss. They go with the flow — or in this case, with the ebb. These men are often cuddly and affectionate, and if you’d just as soon not have your bodice ripped, the two of you can be very happy.


Never having been a man I can only imagine how difficult it can be after 30 or 40 years of raging hormones to suddenly feel that the mechanism won’t work as it always has — immediately, and without fail.

It’s a rare woman who measures her whole life’s success by her orgasms. But a guy has been defining himself as a sexual being since he was about 11 years old. It follows that a waning libido can set off a real identity crisis.

Low libido troubles a woman who has it mostly when circumstances are moving her toward sexual encounter. But when a man no longer craves sex every waking minute he may think his life is over. Old men want sex now even more because they don’t want it — well, they want it, but not quite the way they used to. The drive is to recapture the drive.


Senior men have performance issues. Senior women have body issues. Men are thinking, “Can I get it up?” Women are thinking, “Why am I not Charlotte Johansson?”  These obstacles can be overcome only if egos are intact and a sense of humor prevails.  If you can’t depend on your ego just yet, lean on your ability to summon a smile. Sex is supposed to be fun, anyway.

It’s important to choose the right vocabulary. One wrong word is pretty much going to bring the situation to a rapid and unsatisfactory conclusion. A man whose penis – in the midst of things – suddenly refuses to cooperate will appreciate a woman who can convey that it’s no big deal, that she knows this is the first and last time his body has ever failed him.

As for women — we respond to compliments soulfully rendered, such as “your skin is so soft,” or “your nipples are such a turn-on.” We like best the old faithful, “I think you’re absolutely beautiful,” whether we are or not. The phrase makes us feel beautiful in the moment, and what a great moment that can be.

intimate couple


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'Sex And The Single Senior' have 96 comments

  1. July 11, 2016 @ 3:32 pm Sienna

    Lee — An age difference of 8 years doesn’t sound like much. Performance fear can be at the basis of this reluctance. Sometimes being handsome and sexy at 61 can feel like a handicap to a man who worries that his sexual performance won’t match up (when in fact it certainly can – 61 is young!).

  2. July 11, 2016 @ 3:01 pm Sienna

    Phillip – As you seem to love your wife perhaps you don’t need to give up on satisfying sex with her. Why not talk with her about ways in which your sexual encounters can be made exciting again? There are multiple ways to give and receive satisfaction within boundaries imposed by physical limitations.

  3. July 11, 2016 @ 2:51 pm Sienna

    Corinne – You seem to have been very supportive, and you have clearly researched the problem of waning male desire, so you know there is a link between low performance capability and low self-esteem. Some men hold sexual performance as the best expression – even the only expression – of their manhood. Sadly, your man chose not to engage with methods that might have helped restore him to his former self.

  4. July 11, 2016 @ 2:15 pm Sienna

    Jade – Older women in America are victims of a culture that insists a woman’s body must be firm and athletic, and young. You have nothing to fear. Trust your man. He will not be looking for sags and wrinkles – he will be enjoying your feminity and loving your confidence. This is especially true of men who have not grown up in this country. Go for it. I’m guessing you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

  5. July 9, 2016 @ 4:58 pm Angel

    I am a 50 year old female. Looking for an older man. Mainly for sex only. Just wanna play.

  6. July 9, 2016 @ 7:40 am Jade

    I am a 54 year old woman and have not been in a relationship for 5 years now. There is someone I’m interested in but he lives in another country. He like me also but im not sure i should encourage him. Im afraid he wouldn’t be attracted to my body. Men seems to want women looking a certain way so I am not sure he will be interesting in me with a softer body and sagging breasts.

  7. July 5, 2016 @ 12:54 pm Corinne

    Some men have bad E.D as their testosterone decreases. Sometimes it’s as early as age 40. More often it does not begin until the 60s and some men do not have that at all and can still make love in their 80s, stay hard and ejaculate as well as stimulate. Some women lose their sex drive. I have not at all. Actually I have more orgasims now than I had when I was younger. I am in my 60s and so is my ex. The low testosterone turned him into a grumpy old man. (Google search “grumpy old man syndrome”) My man began putting me down, he changed so totally. We had many plans to go on trips but he can’t be on an airplane because he has to pee so many times. Like being a pregnant woman, they also have to pee a lot. He just gave up, got boring and cranky and expected me to change plans all the time to fit his schedule. He didn’t sleep well since low testosterone also has the effect of making men get up and pee all night, ruining their sleep. It is a very sad thing and no matter how I tried to have him get it treated (their are medical devices now that help) he did not care. I have always enjoyed sex and we used to have great sex together. Viagra helped but it seemed to cause him pain so he stopped using it. I am still in love with the man I fell in love with years ago and could endure lack of sex. He is not the same person and does not seem to care.

  8. July 3, 2016 @ 6:32 am Paul

    I’m 64. all i want is for a loving woman who loves sex who wants to spend some uncomplicated afternoons with a wonderful hard shag. Perth WA

  9. July 3, 2016 @ 5:55 am Philip Langley

    well, I’d love to join in!

    I’m 64 and married for a lovely woman for 40 years. Unfortunately she is crippled by arthritis. I just miss a solid, wonderful sex life and wish I could have it again with someone with no strings attached. I fantasize about someone with no cares other than getting together for an afternoon of lust, satisfaction and orgasms.

  10. June 30, 2016 @ 11:08 am LEE

    I’m a 53 yr old woman told weekly I’m beautiful, look 45, etc. etc. I’m communicating with a 61 yr old man and in my eyes, he is the most handsome, sexy man I’ve known in 20 yrs. I fantasize about sex with him constantly and how it would be. Unfortunately I don’t think he feels the same about me. He has expressed having issues with our age difference before. Such a shame….I think we would have incredible sex together.

  11. June 27, 2016 @ 2:17 pm Heather

    I actually just want sex with an older man nothing else just sex.
    I am 63 and would like an older man .

  12. June 18, 2016 @ 11:36 am Marcel

    I have been exhaustively consuming your wonderful blog, with great interest. I’m a 63 year old male who three years ago re-entered the dating world. Our family was torn apart several years ago when my children’s mother absconded with all of our savings, including their education monies. It was difficult living with our broken hearts and recovering from the betrayals, but we’ve managed well, considering. I have no problems finding dates, and tend to date slightly older women who are retired like myself. Also I have to admit I enjoy well worn smiles, lol. I suffered from psychological ED for years, but have fully recovered with the exception of occasional ‘sputtering’ after a couple of hours of sexual activity. My problem is guilt, I feel guilty about being a divorced person and failing marriage wise and guilt for engaging in sex with women I’m very attracted to, after perhaps just a few weeks of dating, outside of a committed relationship. I find women of this age initiate sexual activity as frequently as I do, which I have no problem with. The guilt generally overwhelms me and I look for excuses to break things off. And guess what? After a couple of months I’ve really started missing a couple of those women. I would really love a committed relationship with someone who views life as I do and whom I can trust. I’d love to hear from some of your mature female readers on their take on early relationship sex and guilt.

  13. June 10, 2016 @ 3:14 pm fritz

    Dear friends,
    Hinting at a new/ancient vision of feminism, “Unhidden Faces of Woman” gives a long-awaited voice to men who no longer find the woman of their dreams in consumer societies; who face only Barbie dolls, a dropping sperm-count, and emasculation.
    A comparison with an intact near-tribal society in the Philippines shows faces of woman we can no longer see in the West, and it answers the question of how a true Goddess can still be found. The sexuality of authentic woman is explored, and that of older men validated.
    Apart from a unique perspective, the author gives valuable insights from outside the cultural box and expresses a view many men share, but few have freely and honestly expressed to this day. While this book is a celebration of actual femininity, it begins with the antithesis of the feminine, with what has gone wrong with feminism and western women, in order to subsequently carve out the glory of authentic woman.
    “Unhidden Faces” has the potential to become a cult-book, it gives real hope to men, is highly enlightening and sharply entertaining to honest women–and it has the literary and spiritual depth of personal authenticity. This book guarantees controversy, but ultimately offers one of those timeless stories about love that just must not be missed…To read the first 20% click here:
    Friendly greetings,
    Fritz Blackburn

  14. June 6, 2016 @ 8:53 pm Patricio L. Ollada


  15. May 28, 2016 @ 10:59 am Sienna

    Samantha – It would be unusual to find a man who embodies the traits you mention and who is also indifferent to sex. Readers of this blog confirm that men remain interested in sex and quite active into their 80s. It is certainly possible for a man and woman to maintain a casual friendship, but a sexless companionship / partnership based on deep feeling would be rare….and hard to maintain.

  16. May 27, 2016 @ 10:51 am Samantha

    I would like to find companionship with 60+ male who is funny, kind, intelligent, likes outdoors, and stable who does not care about sex. I am 59 year old attractive lady who has a lot to share with someone but I am not interested in the sex aspect anymore. Surely there are men out there who think the same as I now?

  17. May 24, 2016 @ 10:40 am Sienna

    Veronica – To hear from a woman who enjoys sex this much at age 60+ is pure inspiration for readers of this blog. Thanks for sharing the joy!

  18. May 21, 2016 @ 1:19 pm Veronica

    I’m a sixty two year old female… My friends tell me I look early 50’s. I was dating a man for 4 years, he was 3 years younger who had a very low sex drive… I have an extremely high sex drive; because I’m not looking for marriage or a man to move in with me, I ended our relationship…. I don’t want a man that wants me to wash his clothes or cook his meals and do his housework, been there done that; so I decided to look for an independant man who is only interested in a sexual relationship with no complications…I’ve been meeting a guy mainly for coffee or dinner dates, his mind turned me on so much I told him the only thing I want from a man is Great Sex with a very High Libido; he said he’s just the man I’m looking for….. He is caring and kind with a beautiful gentle personality…. But in the bedroom he is amazing!!!!!! It’s the best sex I have ever had in my life and nooo tablets…OMG! sometimes we have sex two or three times a night… a very happy woman!

  19. May 3, 2016 @ 2:08 pm Sienna

    Linda — You don’t say whether he has shown interest in sex or how he feels about his ED (embarrassed? frustrated? resigned?). If he understands that sex is not always about penetration, you might explain how he can help you reach orgasm without penetration or oral stimulation, if that’s not comfortable for him.

    Sixty is not an age at which a healthy man becomes unable to achieve erection, but unfortunately too many men are affected by Viagra & Cialis messages that suggest 60 is The End, while in fact studies show that 40 percent of men 75-85 are quite sexually active. Sometimes ED is related to a serious physical condition (diabetes, heart condition) and – without mentioning the ED – you should urge him to get a routine checkup. If he is suffering from the delusion that he is “too old”, your kindness coupled with an obvious interest in him physically could eventually bring him back to enjoying sex.

    Thanks for commenting! Dealing with ED is an important issue that affects many of my readers and they’re sure to appreciate your thoughts.

  20. May 3, 2016 @ 11:00 am Linda

    Thanks for the article. I’m struggling in my relationship with a 60 man. I want sex all the time and he has very bad E.D. We haven’t had sex in 5 mos. He doesn’t like oral and won’t go to the doctor. I love him but don’t know what to do anymore.

  21. May 2, 2016 @ 7:28 pm Sienna

    Jim – Thanks for your comment. It’s important to hear a man’s point of view. Glad you’re doing so well and that you and your partner are happy.

  22. May 1, 2016 @ 7:54 pm jim

    I’m 61 and my GF is 45. I need and want sex more than she does. We have great sex, lovemaking experiences for 6 years now… I’m in great shape and so is she… A little V sometimes helps…

  23. April 18, 2016 @ 11:34 am Sienna

    Debbie — You are not alone in wondering where to start as a widow in our age group. It’s painful to have been part of a couple for a long time and then to be suddenly alone. The usual advice is to create a profile and post it on an online dating site, but that’s a more complex undertaking than one would think. It requires studying these many sites and finding one that seems right for you. In the meantime, it helps to quietly let friends, clergy, and colleagues know that you’re ready to date.

  24. April 18, 2016 @ 8:44 am Debbie

    I’m a 60 year old widowed, can’t seem to place myself in the playing field. What language , where do I search for a man ?

  25. April 18, 2016 @ 7:21 am Sienna

    Rea – What a wonderful story! Thanks so much for reinforcing our notion that age is not important when you are in a truly generous, loving partnership. Let me assure you — at a mere 61 your man’s got plenty of time left before he has to even think about slowing down.

  26. April 16, 2016 @ 9:29 pm Rea

    Thank you for this article.
    I am 45 and have been in a relationship with a 61 year old man for two years. I can honestly tell you that I have never had better sex than with him. Our lovemaking is phenomenal! He is a truly amazing man.
    Yes, we have had moments when he has struggled to make love, but I always reassure him that we just have to be patient. You see, I love him for who he is, not whether he can always get an erection.
    He is an amazing lover, truly attentive. We both care deeply about fulfilling each other’s needs. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. To me he is the most handsome man.
    I love his age and the life experience it brings. He worries about how I will cope with his ageing in the future. I try to reassure him that I accept and understand the challenges we may face, but that I cannot imagine a better man to face those challenges with and for. I absolutely adore him. He is my rock.

  27. March 29, 2016 @ 6:46 am Sienna

    Tracy — What an inspiring comment! Thanks for your reference to “remarkable” sex, and for validating our conviction that an age difference such as yours and his should never be a barrier to forming a relationship.

  28. March 27, 2016 @ 7:51 pm Tracy

    Im 37 and my sexual partner is 60…He was definitely attracted to me and I gave him the attention he craved back.We finally hooked and gave each other massages and had remarkable sex afterwards…We will continue to be partners until neither one of us feel the desire or passion isnt there…

  29. February 11, 2016 @ 8:09 am Sienna

    AlwaysInterested – Thanks so much for confirming what we love to hear – that sex in mature marriages can be vibrant when it is supported by love, caring, and mutual attraction.

  30. February 10, 2016 @ 9:42 pm AlwaysInterested

    To Old Guy 2594
    My husband was 10 years older than me. We enjoyed a 38 year marriage until he passed away. I loved being with him and having sex more at 57 than at 19. He never turned it down. So you have hope. There Are women who become more active and interested the longer the couple stays together.

  31. February 2, 2016 @ 9:02 pm Shee

    Hi iam 22 year old lady dating a 60 year old,I came on this page to look t the responses and I am excited,I thought he would faint on me,so now I love him,I can’t wait to rock him soon

  32. January 22, 2016 @ 10:39 am Sienna

    Lola — A sensitive man with a proper perspective understands that he himself is no longer sporting a perfect body. This man is not looking for a 30-year-old. He will be attracted to your body, knowing that it has aged, just as his has. He will be glad to see that you are an eager, capable, and desirable sexual partner. There are plenty of these men out there, even though we mostly hear about the selfish, unrealistic ones.
    Never sell yourself short because you don’t look the way you did 20 years ago. The right man will think you are beautiful.

  33. January 22, 2016 @ 10:20 am Sienna

    Karin, I have to agree that older men are not only more accomplished, but often more sensitive.

  34. January 21, 2016 @ 12:46 am Lola hayes

    I’m a widow I’m 63. My husband and I were very active in sex he was 5 years older than me. I so miss sex. Yes I thought about what I man would think of my aging body of course. I’m a small frame warm with larger breasts that sag some. Gravity u know. But I’m afraid to approach it but I seriously want it. What do I do?

  35. January 19, 2016 @ 1:07 am Karin

    In today’s fast moving life when most younger men only want sex and there is no real attraction lovemaking or companionship, its better to be a old mans darling than a young mans fool.

  36. January 11, 2016 @ 11:13 am Sienna

    Taffy – Good for you! Your comment is an inspiration to those who stubbornly – and foolishly – refuse to date people they think are “out of their age range.”

  37. January 9, 2016 @ 2:29 am Taffy

    I am 48 years old my boyfriend is 65 I enjoy everything about him. And the sex is great, we love making love to each other. I wouldn’t have it any other way I love him.

  38. November 22, 2015 @ 7:45 pm Sienna

    Sophie, you’re so right. Age is definitely just a number.

  39. November 22, 2015 @ 12:17 pm Sophie

    There are some 60 year olds who are young for their age – wear converse pumps and chat on Twitter. If a much younger woman finds an older man attractive, sometimes the age difference doesnt matter.

  40. November 22, 2015 @ 10:46 am Sienna

    Old Guy — You bring up a frequent and important problem. A woman who talks in terms of giving too much is feeling an imbalance in a relationship. Sex is not a gift, but a response to mutual desire coupled with mutual understanding. Without a proper understanding, one or both partners will remain unfulfilled — and ultimately resentful. Talking it out can be painful, but it’s the only proven way to get back on track. Thanks for your comment.

  41. November 14, 2015 @ 7:31 pm Old Guy 2594

    Well – I am that guy, but just lost a long term relationship with a woman who while participating and loving it early, later rebelled at how often. And that it doesn’t do it for her. No third party, she was ‘too giving’ then resented the ‘giving’ – a complete surprise. It has cooled my jets considerably as I need my heart in the game too. I will keep the chemistry but check in on any resentment in early conversations in the future! Any wisdom from senior women welcome!

  42. October 29, 2015 @ 1:42 pm Sienna

    Nada, you’re so right. There is no substitute for experience….not just the physical-technical stuff, but the kindness, warmth, and confidence.

  43. October 25, 2015 @ 3:42 am Nada

    Sex with an older man is awesome.better than a twenty some year old takes his time love me and makes me feel beautiful

  44. October 19, 2015 @ 9:12 am Jen

    I really want having sex to an older man.I’m 25.hopefully there’s an old man can Court me tonight.

  45. August 21, 2015 @ 2:41 pm Sienna

    lanative333- Rock on, indeed! Age is just a number –and your partner sounds like a lucky guy!

  46. August 7, 2015 @ 1:41 pm lanative333

    I am a 66 year old female who works out everyday …My libido is in full gear..I am having an affair with a 43 year old hot Italian Male and the sex just gets better…Either I am not aware of my age and neither is he or it doesn’t matter..I have always been sexual however men my age just don’t do it for me……Still going strong..Have fun…rock on..

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