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Sex And The Single Senior

If you think finding and dating a senior man is complicated, wait till you get to the sex. A young man starts maneuvering before the barista completes the first-date lattes, but an older man may take time to make the pitch.

If you’re dating a guy who’s over 60 and trying to bed you every waking minute, by all means hurry to the comments section below and share your joy with the readers of this blog. But in the earliest stages of a relationship, he may not be so insistent. Why will your senior man not fall upon you at once, and with unbridled passion?

  • He fears comparison with your former lover(s).

Imagining his lady in the arms of another man is a drag for men at any age. Given your years of experience, a senior man may suppose you’ve been pleasured in ways that satisfied you – well, deeply.

  • He fears comparison with his former self.

You may find a senior man who can’t help comparing his present endurance level with his performance 40 years ago. Not wanting to confirm his worst fears, he delays the sexual encounter. If he doesn’t try, he can’t fail.

  • His blood pressure medicine is playing havoc with his libido.

High blood pressure can interfere with both desire and performance because it restricts blood flow to the penis. Some BP medications have similar effects. He hates the outcome, but likes that he can blame it on medications, not aging.

  • One Viagra pill can cost $8.

At this rate, a serious relationship with you can cost $1200 a year.

angelina-jolie-61

  • He has imagined you naked and suspects your body and Angelina Jolie’s are not the same.

The mature man’s dream of cavorting with a lithe young female body never dies, but if he is a realist he will embrace you for the goddess you are, albeit one whose derriere is a tiny bit saggy. What — he’s Brad Pitt?!?

  • He is uncomfortable suggesting AIDs testing.

Do you REALLY know where he’s been? If he doesn’t ask you, you should ask him. It’s not 1960 anymore.

  • There are other women.

Did you withdraw your profile from the internet dating site the instant you met him? Did he?

  • He’s been there, done that, and now he’d rather fondle a TV remote.

Some men don’t mourn their testosterone loss. They go with the flow — or in this case, with the ebb. These men are often cuddly and affectionate, and if you’d just as soon not have your bodice ripped, the two of you can be very happy.

THE DRIVE TO RECAPTURE THE DRIVE

Never having been a man I can only imagine how difficult it can be after 30 or 40 years of raging hormones to suddenly feel that the mechanism won’t work as it always has — immediately, and without fail.

It’s a rare woman who measures her whole life’s success by her orgasms. But a guy has been defining himself as a sexual being since he was about 11 years old. It follows that a waning libido can set off a real identity crisis.

Low libido troubles a woman who has it mostly when circumstances are moving her toward sexual encounter. But when a man no longer craves sex every waking minute he may think his life is over. Old men want sex now even more because they don’t want it — well, they want it, but not quite the way they used to. The drive is to recapture the drive.

THE BODY OF KNOWLEDGE

Senior men have performance issues. Senior women have body issues. Men are thinking, “Can I get it up?” Women are thinking, “Why am I not Charlotte Johansson?”  These obstacles can be overcome only if egos are intact and a sense of humor prevails.  If you can’t depend on your ego just yet, lean on your ability to summon a smile. Sex is supposed to be fun, anyway.

It’s important to choose the right vocabulary. One wrong word is pretty much going to bring the situation to a rapid and unsatisfactory conclusion. A man whose penis – in the midst of things – suddenly refuses to cooperate will appreciate a woman who can convey that it’s no big deal, that she knows this is the first and last time his body has ever failed him.

As for women — we respond to compliments soulfully rendered, such as “your skin is so soft,” or “your nipples are such a turn-on.” We like best the old faithful, “I think you’re absolutely beautiful,” whether we are or not. The phrase makes us feel beautiful in the moment, and what a great moment that can be.

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'Sex And The Single Senior' have 75 comments

  1. May 1, 2016 @ 7:54 pm jim

    I’m 61 and my GF is 45. I need and want sex more than she does. We have great sex, lovemaking experiences for 6 years now… I’m in great shape and so is she… A little V sometimes helps…

  2. April 18, 2016 @ 11:34 am Sienna

    Debbie — You are not alone in wondering where to start as a widow in our age group. It’s painful to have been part of a couple for a long time and then to be suddenly alone. The usual advice is to create a profile and post it on an online dating site, but that’s a more complex undertaking than one would think. It requires studying these many sites and finding one that seems right for you. In the meantime, it helps to quietly let friends, clergy, and colleagues know that you’re ready to date.

  3. April 18, 2016 @ 8:44 am Debbie

    I’m a 60 year old widowed, can’t seem to place myself in the playing field. What language , where do I search for a man ?

  4. April 18, 2016 @ 7:21 am Sienna

    Rea – What a wonderful story! Thanks so much for reinforcing our notion that age is not important when you are in a truly generous, loving partnership. Let me assure you — at a mere 61 your man’s got plenty of time left before he has to even think about slowing down.

  5. April 16, 2016 @ 9:29 pm Rea

    Thank you for this article.
    I am 45 and have been in a relationship with a 61 year old man for two years. I can honestly tell you that I have never had better sex than with him. Our lovemaking is phenomenal! He is a truly amazing man.
    Yes, we have had moments when he has struggled to make love, but I always reassure him that we just have to be patient. You see, I love him for who he is, not whether he can always get an erection.
    He is an amazing lover, truly attentive. We both care deeply about fulfilling each other’s needs. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. To me he is the most handsome man.
    I love his age and the life experience it brings. He worries about how I will cope with his ageing in the future. I try to reassure him that I accept and understand the challenges we may face, but that I cannot imagine a better man to face those challenges with and for. I absolutely adore him. He is my rock.

  6. March 29, 2016 @ 6:46 am Sienna

    Tracy — What an inspiring comment! Thanks for your reference to “remarkable” sex, and for validating our conviction that an age difference such as yours and his should never be a barrier to forming a relationship.

  7. March 27, 2016 @ 7:51 pm Tracy

    Im 37 and my sexual partner is 60…He was definitely attracted to me and I gave him the attention he craved back.We finally hooked and gave each other massages and had remarkable sex afterwards…We will continue to be partners until neither one of us feel the desire or passion isnt there…

  8. February 11, 2016 @ 8:09 am Sienna

    AlwaysInterested – Thanks so much for confirming what we love to hear – that sex in mature marriages can be vibrant when it is supported by love, caring, and mutual attraction.

  9. February 10, 2016 @ 9:42 pm AlwaysInterested

    To Old Guy 2594
    My husband was 10 years older than me. We enjoyed a 38 year marriage until he passed away. I loved being with him and having sex more at 57 than at 19. He never turned it down. So you have hope. There Are women who become more active and interested the longer the couple stays together.

  10. February 2, 2016 @ 9:02 pm Shee

    Hi iam 22 year old lady dating a 60 year old,I came on this page to look t the responses and I am excited,I thought he would faint on me,so now I love him,I can’t wait to rock him soon

  11. January 22, 2016 @ 10:39 am Sienna

    Lola — A sensitive man with a proper perspective understands that he himself is no longer sporting a perfect body. This man is not looking for a 30-year-old. He will be attracted to your body, knowing that it has aged, just as his has. He will be glad to see that you are an eager, capable, and desirable sexual partner. There are plenty of these men out there, even though we mostly hear about the selfish, unrealistic ones.
    Never sell yourself short because you don’t look the way you did 20 years ago. The right man will think you are beautiful.

  12. January 22, 2016 @ 10:20 am Sienna

    Karin, I have to agree that older men are not only more accomplished, but often more sensitive.

  13. January 21, 2016 @ 12:46 am Lola hayes

    I’m a widow I’m 63. My husband and I were very active in sex he was 5 years older than me. I so miss sex. Yes I thought about what I man would think of my aging body of course. I’m a small frame warm with larger breasts that sag some. Gravity u know. But I’m afraid to approach it but I seriously want it. What do I do?

  14. January 19, 2016 @ 1:07 am Karin

    In today’s fast moving life when most younger men only want sex and there is no real attraction lovemaking or companionship, its better to be a old mans darling than a young mans fool.

  15. January 11, 2016 @ 11:13 am Sienna

    Taffy – Good for you! Your comment is an inspiration to those who stubbornly – and foolishly – refuse to date people they think are “out of their age range.”

  16. January 9, 2016 @ 2:29 am Taffy

    I am 48 years old my boyfriend is 65 I enjoy everything about him. And the sex is great, we love making love to each other. I wouldn’t have it any other way I love him.

  17. November 22, 2015 @ 7:45 pm Sienna

    Sophie, you’re so right. Age is definitely just a number.

  18. November 22, 2015 @ 12:17 pm Sophie

    There are some 60 year olds who are young for their age – wear converse pumps and chat on Twitter. If a much younger woman finds an older man attractive, sometimes the age difference doesnt matter.

  19. November 22, 2015 @ 10:46 am Sienna

    Old Guy — You bring up a frequent and important problem. A woman who talks in terms of giving too much is feeling an imbalance in a relationship. Sex is not a gift, but a response to mutual desire coupled with mutual understanding. Without a proper understanding, one or both partners will remain unfulfilled — and ultimately resentful. Talking it out can be painful, but it’s the only proven way to get back on track. Thanks for your comment.

  20. November 14, 2015 @ 7:31 pm Old Guy 2594

    Well – I am that guy, but just lost a long term relationship with a woman who while participating and loving it early, later rebelled at how often. And that it doesn’t do it for her. No third party, she was ‘too giving’ then resented the ‘giving’ – a complete surprise. It has cooled my jets considerably as I need my heart in the game too. I will keep the chemistry but check in on any resentment in early conversations in the future! Any wisdom from senior women welcome!

  21. October 29, 2015 @ 1:42 pm Sienna

    Nada, you’re so right. There is no substitute for experience….not just the physical-technical stuff, but the kindness, warmth, and confidence.

  22. October 25, 2015 @ 3:42 am Nada

    Sex with an older man is awesome.better than a twenty some year old takes his time love me and makes me feel beautiful

  23. October 19, 2015 @ 9:12 am Jen

    I really want having sex to an older man.I’m 25.hopefully there’s an old man can Court me tonight.

  24. August 21, 2015 @ 2:41 pm Sienna

    lanative333- Rock on, indeed! Age is just a number –and your partner sounds like a lucky guy!

  25. August 7, 2015 @ 1:41 pm lanative333

    I am a 66 year old female who works out everyday …My libido is in full gear..I am having an affair with a 43 year old hot Italian Male and the sex just gets better…Either I am not aware of my age and neither is he or it doesn’t matter..I have always been sexual however men my age just don’t do it for me……Still going strong..Have fun…rock on..


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