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Sex And The Single Senior

If you think finding and dating a senior man is complicated, wait till you get to the sex. A young man starts maneuvering before the barista completes the first-date lattes, but an older man may take time to make the pitch.

If you’re dating a guy who’s over 60 and trying to bed you every waking minute, by all means hurry to the comments section below and share your joy with the readers of this blog. But in the earliest stages of a relationship, he may not be so insistent. Why will your senior man not fall upon you at once, and with unbridled passion?

  • He fears comparison with your former lover(s).

Imagining his lady in the arms of another man is a drag for men at any age. Given your years of experience, a senior man may suppose you’ve been pleasured in ways that satisfied you – well, deeply.

  • He fears comparison with his former self.

You may find a senior man who can’t help comparing his present endurance level with his performance 40 years ago. Not wanting to confirm his worst fears, he delays the sexual encounter. If he doesn’t try, he can’t fail.

  • His blood pressure medicine is playing havoc with his libido.

High blood pressure can interfere with both desire and performance because it restricts blood flow to the penis. Some BP medications have similar effects. He hates the outcome, but likes that he can blame it on medications, not aging.

  • One Viagra pill can cost $8.

At this rate, a serious relationship with you can cost $1200 a year.

angelina-jolie-61

  • He has imagined you naked and suspects your body and Angelina Jolie’s are not the same.

The mature man’s dream of cavorting with a lithe young female body never dies, but if he is a realist he will embrace you for the goddess you are, albeit one whose derriere is a tiny bit saggy. What — he’s Brad Pitt?!?

  • He is uncomfortable suggesting AIDs testing.

Do you REALLY know where he’s been? If he doesn’t ask you, you should ask him. It’s not 1960 anymore.

  • There are other women.

Did you withdraw your profile from the internet dating site the instant you met him? Did he?

  • He’s been there, done that, and now he’d rather fondle a TV remote.

Some men don’t mourn their testosterone loss. They go with the flow — or in this case, with the ebb. These men are often cuddly and affectionate, and if you’d just as soon not have your bodice ripped, the two of you can be very happy.

THE DRIVE TO RECAPTURE THE DRIVE

Never having been a man I can only imagine how difficult it can be after 30 or 40 years of raging hormones to suddenly feel that the mechanism won’t work as it always has — immediately, and without fail.

It’s a rare woman who measures her whole life’s success by her orgasms. But a guy has been defining himself as a sexual being since he was about 11 years old. It follows that a waning libido can set off a real identity crisis.

Low libido troubles a woman who has it mostly when circumstances are moving her toward sexual encounter. But when a man no longer craves sex every waking minute he may think his life is over. Old men want sex now even more because they don’t want it — well, they want it, but not quite the way they used to. The drive is to recapture the drive.

THE BODY OF KNOWLEDGE

Senior men have performance issues. Senior women have body issues. Men are thinking, “Can I get it up?” Women are thinking, “Why am I not Charlotte Johansson?”  These obstacles can be overcome only if egos are intact and a sense of humor prevails.  If you can’t depend on your ego just yet, lean on your ability to summon a smile. Sex is supposed to be fun, anyway.

It’s important to choose the right vocabulary. One wrong word is pretty much going to bring the situation to a rapid and unsatisfactory conclusion. A man whose penis – in the midst of things – suddenly refuses to cooperate will appreciate a woman who can convey that it’s no big deal, that she knows this is the first and last time his body has ever failed him.

As for women — we respond to compliments soulfully rendered, such as “your skin is so soft,” or “your nipples are such a turn-on.” We like best the old faithful, “I think you’re absolutely beautiful.” Whether we are true goddess material or not, that phrase makes us feel beautiful in the moment. And what a great moment that can be.

intimate couple

 

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'Sex And The Single Senior' have 139 comments

  1. October 12, 2017 @ 9:14 am Dany

    Some men, like some women, are obsessed with sex. They want it all the time no matter the age. I have been dating a man for 2 years who is presently 64 and he is so focused on sex that it can be too much. I myself enjoy sex as well, but not on the same level. Typically women are from Venus and men are not. Often sex for me is about excitement. Is he an exciting man? When he is, or more when I think he is, it is a turn on. Not to say that I don’t have sex when he is not exciting because sometimes getting into the mood is about starting sexual play.
    Having a perfect match sexually is another factor of sexual relationships that can be over come when there is respect, communication and trust. While I found this article interesting, this man that seems disinterested in sex has never been in my experience, ever, as a forever single women.
    Relationships are build on different things based on where you are both at in your lives. For me it is about physical attraction, having companionship, learning acceptance, learning about myself, being close, and enjoying sex as a consequence of closeness.

  2. August 24, 2017 @ 12:58 pm Sienna

    Ann – Your good fortune is inspiring, and it proves the importance of a positive attitude. I can’t endorse the idea of dating others while married, but in your case I don’t condemn it either, as I don’t know the whole story. It’s good to know that you are having a good life and not hurting anyone in the process. Thanks for your comment.

  3. August 22, 2017 @ 8:44 am Ann

    I am a 65 year old who is separated for 4 years. Been told many times that I still look good and I visit the gym at least 3 times a week. We stay married because of financial reasons, like others we know. My husband “cut me loose” as he says and consider myself single. I have had several occasions that men much younger have flirted and I decided to date them because men my age and older just don’t measure up any more. My last date actually told me that I looked like Sharon Stone the actress !! I let him stay the night and it was fantastic ! That fling boosted my confidence so much, something that I so needed. If a lady gets out and makes herself available then men start coming around, this has been my experience. My life has come alive again and it is so thrilling ! I usually have dates 2 or 3 times a week and all except one has been men who are several years younger !! I date 4 different guys and they seem to compete for me ! EXCITING !!!

  4. July 18, 2017 @ 12:01 pm Sienna

    Nancy – Thanks for sharing your story. This man’s behavior could be called callous, but he is interested enough in you to want to see you more than once. You mention narcissism, and that does ring a bell. He has a great body that he himself admires and preserves – that’s one marker. You should also look closely at his apparent sexual selflessness; the primary sexual enjoyment for some men is seeing how their skills can turn women on. That he shares little of himself (except to mention a successful career) and leaves almost immediately after sex is disturbing. If you enjoy seeing him and want to continue, you might want to be careful about getting too emotionally invested – at least for a while.

  5. July 13, 2017 @ 5:39 am Nancy

    I met a man a few years ago online. He was up front that he wanted Friends with benefits…he was about 60 at the time. I refused. He contacted me recently and wanted to get together…I questioned him on his intent; his dating profile now said he was looking for a relationship and dating, and he said…take one day at a time and see what the chemistry brings.. We agreed long ago that the chemistry was there, but I said relationship comes first. We did get together recently…several weeks ago; he said he was interested in a relationship; he pressured for sex. Admittedly, I was very attracted to him, and given he is extremely well-built physically…ex-football player and still looks like he could play on professional level at age 65…and yes, we had sex. It was great, and he certainly was not self-centered with it, but in 45 minutes, he was gone!!! We got together one more time and sure enough…as soon as sex was over, he was gone. That was 8 days ago…he said he’d call over the weekend and he did not. Previously , he’d contacted me every few days. Do men age 65 really only want sex? Another notch on the bed post? or is this man relationally crippled? He was married for 10 years and has been divorced for 9. I know no details of his divorce…Being so viral and athletic and dumped after two years of professional sports, is he still trying to prove himself? Narcissistic? He offered very little about himself/personal life. He has a great job and is very successful. I know…reading a lot into this, but I’ve never dated a man who did not want a relationship. I’ve been divorced a long time and have a fair amount of dating experience.

  6. July 10, 2017 @ 3:42 pm Barraabus

    So, where does a man go for sex if he’s 65 and broke?
    To his hand….lol.

  7. June 21, 2017 @ 3:05 pm Natalie

    My boyfriend is 66 and he wants sex ALL THE TIME. He maintains an erection well over the 6 hours that we have sex and his libido is off the chart, even a 30 year old woman like me can barely keep up! The best part is that he’s not on viagra. How do I know? Because we’ve had spontaneous encounters and he always rises to the occasion. ! He’s the best lover I’ve ever had honestly.

  8. June 1, 2017 @ 1:40 pm Sienna

    Kit — Thanks for sharing your story – and for your warning about men lying about their age! I’m sorry your experience with older men was limited to unhealthy types. Many 60-plus men are just hitting their stride. As you continue your search for a companion, I hope you won’t make age your main criterion.

  9. May 30, 2017 @ 8:30 am Kit

    I’ve really been through it. I was divorced at 58, after 33 years of marriage, and started dating. At first I thought dating a man up to ten years older than me would be fine. It wasn’t. I’ve found that men in their late 60’s are really looking for someone to take care of them, as most of them are falling apart, on lots of meds, and sport big guts. Meanwhile, they hold you to a standard. You must remain youthful , trim and toned. No grannies for them, even though they look like grandpa’s! Do they not look in the mirror? I had a three-year relationship with a man nine years older than me and I just gut sick of it. As he got fatter, older, balder, more impotent and required knee and back surgeries he had the nerve to get on my case for gaining a few pounds.

    I’m in good shape, play sports, have no problems in the bedroom and take care of myself. I went on the dating site again and all these old guys swarmed in. Some lied about their age. Ladies watch out. Older men do this. Do they not know you can get on the Internet and check out their age once you have their phone number? After a couple more dates with old guys looking for a nurse with a purse, I finally decided men my own age, or younger. At first I was afraid. I thought all men wanted younger women. I was delighted to find that this was not so. I’m having a great time. I should have done this a long time ago.

  10. May 22, 2017 @ 6:39 am Sienna

    Ellie – Thank you for your kind words about the comments on this site. Your own comments are certainly helpful as well. As to your concern about a difference in ages, I urge you to disregard this and think in terms of what sort of chemistry may exist for you and a potential partner. This, in part, means being flexible about the qualities you look for in a man. Far from suggesting that you lower your standards, I urge you to look first for the more fundamental characteristics….kindness, empathy, self-awareness, and a healthy sense of humor for starters. Whether he enjoys the same foods, entertainments, cultural events can come later; these can be (smile) negotiated. Good luck on Memorial Day!

  11. May 20, 2017 @ 5:25 am Ellie

    I am 61 yrs old, widowed, selective, educated, confident, and a recent civil service (federal) government retiree. After his passing, I devoted my time with work, family, and volunteer works. And, when I started dating I joined different dating websites to include Jdate, Match and Plenty of Fish. I had met some fine men, however, I have not met the one. Then, recently when I came back from a long trip in Asia, I received an email from a 75 year old gentleman. We had been talking on the phone and he wants to visit during the Memorial weekend. He met most of the qualities that I am looking for except I am not so sure about our age gap. I carry my aged well and still wear a 3 inches hells. When you happen to work and live in the Washington, DC area you tend to be more active because there are lots of parties to get an invite. Basically, I try to take care myself. Thus, reading some of the comments here have been very helpful. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experienced.

  12. May 17, 2017 @ 2:26 pm maxwell

    I would love to have a crap load of sex with a nice looking older woman.
    I would be looking to get you in the sack from the second we started dating.
    Some old guys want sex too.
    I hear all older women are looking for money or is there some looking for a nice relationship?

  13. May 13, 2017 @ 2:08 am Sol villela

    Im 65 years old i want the man 65 older than me but healthy i need a company for my life i widow 10 years over i need a good man in my life

  14. April 19, 2017 @ 5:20 pm Sienna

    Melania – In any new relationship it’s wise to devote sufficient time to testing the relationship itself before you go about testing the opinions and support of others (if there is considerable money involved, his family might also be concerned). Be honest with yourself. Whether or not you are on the road to any sort of mutual commitment, it’s important to be sure that even if he didn’t have a lot of money you would want to be with this man.

  15. April 6, 2017 @ 3:52 pm melania

    I am 59 years old and recently dating a 77 years old man, I just met him through match.com. He is someone to be admired, Emmy awards, very accomplished and a wonderful philanthropist and active, tennis, etc. I like him a lot, but my only concern is that my friends and family might think I am for the money.

  16. March 29, 2017 @ 6:55 am Sienna

    Rick — To be lonely in a long term relationship is indeed a sad condition. I assume you have tried and failed to rekindle a spark that once was there, but sometimes the best efforts go unrewarded. Is it too late for renewed efforts? Finding a new relationship, no matter how platonic, can be dangerous for someone of your vulnerability.

  17. March 22, 2017 @ 9:10 pm Rick

    In a 38 year relationship that is so done. Two kids, grandkids, but life as of 26 years ago is so lost. All I want is a friend to spend days with and or better rest of life with.

  18. March 17, 2017 @ 11:48 am Sienna

    Alan, thank you for your comment, and especially for sharing your understanding of older women’s sensitivities.

  19. March 16, 2017 @ 11:27 pm Alan

    I am an older man in my sixties and I enjoy the opportunity to communicate love deep into a woman’s heart and validate her feminine essence. I really celebrate the feminine essence and nurturing nature of a woman. A woman loves to hear that she is loved, appreciated and validated for her femininity, personality and her soul’s imprint on the world. I enjoy listening to the narrative of a woman’s life and the chapters of her life story. When it comes to sexual intimacy, I have discovered that some older women carry some past baggage and wounds and often they need to review past relationships and heal from painful relationships. It is often the case too for men to carry the burdens of the past and it inhibits the present moment and capacity to enjoy fully sexual intimacy and joy. I have learned to heal the past and not blame myself for anything that went wrong and only have learned from it and gleaned self-knowledge.

  20. March 15, 2017 @ 7:24 am Sienna

    Gary — I’m sorry your life has taken such a cruel turn. I thank you for taking the time to comment, and I wish you a reversal of your present condition of loneliness and despair. I do want to assure you that there are many older women out there who are looking for generosity of heart, not the generosity with money that you cannot offer right how. Focus on the value of your kindness, which you evidenced by being a caretaker for your wife.

  21. March 14, 2017 @ 6:03 pm Gary Steven Bate

    I’m 60, recently my wife abandoned me, just literally vanished out of my life I haven’t seen or spoken to her since the day she vanished. We are now divorced. It was hard because I spent the previous 5 years trying to save her life as she was diagnosed with a rare cancer that had metastasized throughout her body. We traveled to Europe 6 times for her treatments which were not available here. She didn’t leave to spare me the pain of dying, she left so she could grab the house the money the retirement fund . She succeeded and I was left with nothing. I just have to say how inspiring it is to hear my peers doing so well in their relationships even with women much younger. I’m lonely now and looking forward to meeting a nice lady that appreciates that I am a gentleman, kind and courteous. Unfortunately the ones I’ve met so far are only looking for a guy that can support them until they fade away. Heck, I don’t even know how I’m going to support myself !! I’m a self employed contractor who will only make a living as long as my body still works. What chance is there for a kid like me? With my nest egg gone there’s not much to attract a hen into this cocks nest !!!

  22. February 15, 2017 @ 11:59 am Sienna

    Vee — I am not sure what benefit is derived from a 9-year relationship that seems limited to bedroom activity. I wonder why you do not yearn for other elements of companionship – cafe dinners, movies, concerts, strolling on the beach, parties with friends, and much more. His concern for his wife demonstrates a staunch commitment to her, so there appears to be no future for you beyond what already exists. Perhaps you should ask yourself if your feelings for him are preventing you from being open to the attentions of a man who can give you much more.

  23. February 2, 2017 @ 6:55 am VEE

    I am a 50 yr old woman and my lover is 64 yrs old. He is a business man whom I have been dating for the past 9 yrs. Sad to say that he is a married man, and I have grown to love him more every year. Our sex life is one of when I see him he takes me straight to the bedroom and we make passionate love and then he has to rush back home. He has never stayed for longer than 10 mins with me cos he has to rush off so that his wife does not get suspicious. He treats me like a queen, always spoiling me with expensive gifts. Please advise what to do as I love this man very much and am willing to share him with his wife.

  24. December 25, 2016 @ 11:20 am Sienna

    Terri – Not affectionate is not unusual, but a lack of interest in sex after having enjoyed it earlier is surely problematic. Honest dialogue is the bedrock of a healthy relationship. Is he receptive to your telling him about your confusion and disappointment?

  25. December 24, 2016 @ 6:51 pm Terri

    I am 46 who fell in love with a 59 years old publican. He is very intelligent, well educated but he is not affectionate, not romantic and every time i want to have sex with him, he he pushes me away. On our first 3 months it was alright. He said I am sooo good with fellatio. I am not sure now if he loves me. No sex, no intimacy, but I love him.

  26. December 1, 2016 @ 12:48 pm cynthia

    Lets see I’m 59 almost 60 I have not made love for 15 years. I started to date two years ago and kissed a couple toads, but no sex. I have learned that sex after 60 its pure passion you hold onto for the man you become fully attracted to. I met a man of sixty he melted me from the inside out, then some how I melted him in the same way. I am and we both are physically fit. Now again I never thought I could orgasm or for that matter get deeply sexually excited and he thought he night need viagra. Be being what we are so into each other talked about desires we made love 14 time in are first three days alone together. A record in my life time at age 59 and his at age 60. As we have fallen in love the passion keeps growing. This I believe is the key to holding onto your Libido, thats what you had at twenty no kidding. It’s true love passion desire to look into that persons eyes at the same moment feel their thoughts give them everything from the inside out. I never imagined at my age there was magic better than when I was twenty. To lie in bed with out him and feel restless wanting his touch. I think the world we live in with all of its complications has taken the passion out of the mix. This has got to be the key as I have lived alone since 1993 my new mate he went with out basically 10 plus years before.

  27. November 8, 2016 @ 6:23 am Sienna

    May — Sex is an important part of a relationship, and as you say, it’s always better when those involved enjoy each other’s company both in and out of the bedroom.

  28. November 6, 2016 @ 9:07 am May

    I am 53 and the one of the best lovers I’ve ever had is a 60 year old man who gives the most mind blowing cunnilingus. He says my blowjobs are something he’s never had. It also matters that he is funny and bright. It also matters that we communicate a lot during sex.

  29. October 27, 2016 @ 9:00 pm Sienna

    Jorn – What a nice story! It’s good to hear from a senior man who is so joyfully connected. My compliments to you and your loving lady.

  30. October 26, 2016 @ 12:34 pm Jorn

    I`m a 77 year old healthy male and my sweetheart is 45. We met six years ago and got to know each other over the next five years. No actual dating, just hanging out occasionally, and visiting. But the friendship grew and our feelings for each other also grew.
    She moved in with me a year ago and our love for each other keeps growing. She is still working full time and I also let her have her life with her friends if she wants it. And the same for me. But we want to be together and have created a life together that works. Sexually she has re-lit my libido but it`s her understanding of my minor restrictions (age) that makes sex so free and wonderful.
    I can say that I have died and gone to heaven, and I have! But she is a winner too, and she tells me that. I treat her with respect and do not take advantage of her. We care and look after each other every day.

  31. October 13, 2016 @ 10:33 pm winy

    Enter your comment here…iam 21 looking for a man of about 60 yrs hook me up with one.

  32. October 8, 2016 @ 4:24 am Jen

    I’m searching how to date older men and I found this website. I am currently dating a 59-year old man and I am 33 years old. At first, I just dated him for experience but the longer I hang out with him, I like him more and more. It’s not about the sex that makes me like him. It’s the way he talks to me, holds me and always makes me feel I am beautiful. We’ve been dating for a month now. The only problem is that I am not sure if he has the same feelings with me. He said he’s a womanizer before and I am afraid he might be dating other girls aside from me. But I want to stay with him as long as he wants me.

  33. October 6, 2016 @ 8:35 am anitalartey

    I will like to date a 60 old man.and marry him.

  34. October 3, 2016 @ 9:28 am george

    I’m a 63 year old male with a slim build, mustache and goutee,still seeking sex with a sleek woman or close to that. I require no Viagra but I miss that together feeling.

  35. September 7, 2016 @ 4:22 pm Kenneth blencowe

    Would like to meet a nice clean man or woman aged between 60yrs and 75yrs. For casual sex and friendship

  36. August 29, 2016 @ 11:58 am Sienna

    Laura – It’s difficult to embark on sexual experiences after being without a partner for some time, especially at our age — true for both men and women. But your new guy sounds sensitive, someone with whom you can slowly learn to be intimate again. All the best to you in your new relationship.

  37. August 27, 2016 @ 9:17 pm Laura

    Good article…thanks. I am a 63 yo woman that has not had sex for 10 years and I have started dating a 70 yo man and we get along very well. He is a gentleman and treats me with respect and has not forced himself on me. I related totally on your observations of how women think less of their sexual abilities especially if you’ve been celibate for a long period. Your article made me aware that men have the same anxieties. For me, sex isn’t the only measure of intimacy. Being in someone’s arms and feeling loved and safe is an intimacy I have missed since my divorce. Your article has given me a renewed confidence that will help me to enjoy exploring a mature, loving relationship with someone new. Thank You!

  38. August 17, 2016 @ 3:19 pm e murphy

    I’m 28 years old,and dating a 78 year old.The sex is fantastic.What’s also fantastic is his fat wallet.

  39. August 11, 2016 @ 3:30 pm Steve

    I am 67 and I am dating a young woman 21. And “we” like it. It was her idea and I rejected it though initially.

    It isn’t about money although she gets $250 each month if she wants it…of course she does! And she likes it. At this point I will excuse the young men for not buying her a bracelet or necklace or Nutella. They are too young to appreciate a good woman! They don’t buy their girls much. Don’t take them out enough. Don’t tell them that they love them enough. Don’t caress them enough. Don’t look at them enough (and let it be known to her). They don’t teach their girls about life (I do). And some guys have other girlfriends too.

    We like the same things. We like the same music (50’s – current), food, movies, places, people and dogs and life. What else could a relationship need? Oh, the sex. That is good too! It is slow and easy and fun. And we waited 2 months before the first experience in bed. And it was fun with no anticipation and discouraging events. Fun like I was 35 again.

    She is nice looking, nice body and nice personality. She is reasonably street smart and she is also intelligent and entering her 2nd year at the university.

    So what do I have that is attracting her? It wasn’t like this when we first met or even a few weeks later. Now it is in the 8th month and she is still hanging on to me. And I like it. And I love her and the more we know each other the more we love each other. It is obvious. So why is she attracted to me?

    The initial attraction is simple. Most men are pigs. They are rough, tuff and macho. The sex is aggressive and abusive almost. I am slow and easy and very satisfying. I am good looking, a good body, a face that has been taken care of with Oil of Olay since I was 21 and has progressed to better facials. I am exciting to be with. I am a former corporate pilot and I’m
    experienced. I am street smart, 2 university degrees, Pilot Certificates and more from the FAA.

    This girl can have any guy she wants. But she wants me. She loves me. We don’t grab ass or kiss in public but the public knows that I am not her father or her uncle or her grandfather! It is obvious I am her boyfriend/lover. And sometimes we play for the entertainment of others. We hear their comments and giggle!

    We don’t live together. She lives with her mother and 17 yr old brother. Her mother doesn’t know I exist. Her mother threatens her daughter with money, food and the living situation and expenses for the university if her darling angel doesn’t do exactly what she says.

    She has keys to my apartment. She has access to my debit card too. She has access to my life. Complete.

    She told me that she would not leave me until I die. So what do I have that other men do not? I asked her why she chose to be with me. She said, ‘I like the way you look, I like the way you look at me, I like the way you hold me, I like the way you smell, I like the way you talk, you walk and you think and I like you because you love me…and the sex is hot’. And I cut and pasted that line from her message to me.


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