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Ulysses In Farmer Jeans

I ignored MILO’s first message because in his internet dating site photo he looked like one of Faulkner’s malevolent rustics. When I looked harder, past the farmer jeans, I saw the Ralph Lauren logo on his shirt.

TAKING A CHANCE

Intuition told me I could reveal my phone number to MILO rather early on, after only a few email communications, and it turned out more than fine. In the course of our first phone conversation he referred to Margaret Mead, Eugene O’Neil, William Shirer, and The Odyssey.

odysseus_und_die_sirenen

MILO is either a true literature lover or he’s a veteran of what he and other dating site men call “interviews.” In an email follow up to the phone chat he wrote, “thanks for the great phone conversation. I felt at ease, not like I feel during the usual interviews.”

Many women use first dates to determine a senior man’s suitability for a long term relationship. They ask about ex-wives or deceased wives and how much money a man has. MILO says he’s been asked, “Do you have long-term care insurance?”

WHAT ABOUT CHEMISTRY OR “HITTING IT OFF”?

Asking those kinds of questions on a first date seems appallingly rude.  A first date seems a good time to share ideas, to learn about a man’s knowledge and experience. MILO is a fountain of information. Most of what he says has nothing to do with me or what I perceive to be my interests, but that doesn’t mean dating him is a waste of time.

MILO’s conversation is all over the place. He’s not at all polished, but that’s his charm. He’s entirely open about his past, about his present goals and aspirations, about his intentions. He’ll say things like, “I haven’t phoned for a few days, and I’m just checking in because I don’t want you to think I’m not interested in you. I am interested in you. Big time.”  I really have to smile at his guilelessness. 

SENIOR MEN – THEY’VE GOT BAGGAGE

MILO divorced in 1987 and never remarried, though he carries himself with a mixture of confidence and humility when it comes to relationships. “I’ve met a lot of wonderful women since my divorce,” he says, “and at times I wonder what I can really offer them. If a woman is looking for a rich guy she learns pretty fast that she’ll have to keep on looking.”  The Vietnam Vet in him compares marriage and divorce to a battlefield with casualties. “You look around after a battle and you say to yourself, ‘well, it was terrible, horrible, but look — I’m alive.'”  His divorce appears to have been acrimonious, but he’s not bitter. “We were two different people,” he says, “and the only shame of it is that it took us 18 years to find that out.”

I’ll probably stick with MILO for a while. I think we’ll end up friends, but he’s definitely not Old Mr. Right.

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'Ulysses In Farmer Jeans' have 5 comments

  1. July 17, 2010 @ 2:06 pm KarinaLite

    Men are interviewers, too. Mostly in phone conversations, but one man asked me face to face when I lost my virginity. Another man asked me if I like men who are hairy. That was really creepy.

  2. February 12, 2010 @ 6:31 pm Sienna

    Yours is a fair comment, Cherise. But I think Milo and I are using each other — in an honest way. There is no flirting and no suggestion that we will soon be romantically entwined. I think he feels like a friend, not a potential lover. Senior dating can be that way. We’re old enough to value friendship and let it go at that. That’s not to say we don’t want something that sizzles; we just know it doesn’t happen every time.

  3. February 10, 2010 @ 11:08 am Cherise

    Forgive me, but I think you’re using this man. In a nice way, sure, but it still using.

  4. October 11, 2009 @ 6:19 pm Tillie

    This man seems really nice. What are you looking for that he doesn’t have?

  5. September 13, 2009 @ 7:21 pm Tracey

    You seem to have a laidback attitude about dating. That may be why men are attracted to you, as they seem to be. Good writing, good stories. I like this blog very much.


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